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Dear Trackstar,
My first reaction:
Wow. A 38 year old man who has been wanting to hook up with a young
girl since she was fourteen (or perhaps younger). How sexy. (Can
you hear the sarcasm?)
My second reaction (to myself):
Don't be so judgmental. They have a relationship based on mutual
interests, including her potential as an athlete. There has to have
been someone around (friends, other coaches, PARENTS) who have been
observing this relationship and would have raised warning flags
if something was inappropriate. Has anyone said to you that they
think this is inappropriate? And I mean ANYONE – friends, teachers,
other teammates, etc.?
It Happened to Me
Because (here is the really advicey part, but you did write to
an advice column after all) I have sort of been where you are. Not
to such an extreme extent. As a (young) high school freshman, a
senior really pursued me. And I was sort of interested – partly
for the intrigue of an older man. But mostly I was a kid.
Well, after much pursuing on his part – and after he had graduated
and turned 19 and I was nearly a whopping 15 – we ended up
dating. And sleeping together way before I was ready (as I kept
telling HIM, but he didn't want to hear it). And all the while people
kept saying things like "Isn't he kind of old?" and "Aren't
there girls at his college he wants to date?" I dismissed those
comments when I shouldn't have – and it ended up very badly
with me in therapy and a restraining order against the crazy wacko
20 year old (it went on way too long) who kept calling up my house
with threatening remarks and suggesting he was suicidal.
Get the Opinions of Those You Trust
That was a long winded way of saying get the opinion of those around
you and TRUST it. People have amazingly good instincts and are usually
willing to share them if asked.
You Don't Need the Complication
Now, this is not to say that you are as naive as I was. But soon
you will be heading off to college or to a career and you will NOT
need the complication of a nearly 40 year old man in your life at
that time any more than you do now.
To sum up:
- Trust your instincts.
- Listen to those around you.
- Think about the future.
– Judith
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