Jayne Answers:

Dear Amy and Jay,

This IS a hard question.

Well, I'll admit that you two are very open with each other. And it appears that you care for each other a lot. However I notice some red flags in the relationship.

Amy's "Whole World"

First of all, Jay, Amy admits to making you her "whole world", ignoring friends and her responsibilities just to make you happy or to be with you. She also admits that she takes on too much.

Amy, you sound like a bit of a perfectionist. You created this stressful world for yourself where you have to take on so much and be some sort of superwoman. I don't think you like being superwoman. I think you feel trapped with all of your responsibilites and duties and that Jay is a welcome escape from all those things. Maybe that's why you blow everyone and everything else for him.

You Have Self-Esteem Issues

You're right – Amy needs more self-sufficiency.

Also I notice some self esteem issues: when you make someone your whole world, that's like saying that you don't have a world of your own. That you're not important enough to be your own world. When's the last time you made yourself your whole world? It sounds selfish, but it's not as self-serving as it seems.

Don't Smother Him

Jay feels like he can't live up to all of your praise and attention; this forces him to feel guilty and want to leave. If you focus more on yourself, like figuring out why you have to be superwoman, and how you can put total emphasis on another person, and just taking care of you, then you'll probably come to a point where you can love Jay without smothering him. And you don't have to feel clingy or that you have to state every complaint and dissatisfaction in the relationship. Clingy-ness and the fear of being alone is not the same thing as love.

Tell Your Rude Friends To Knock It Off

Jay, you should tell your rude friends to knock it off. Sure, people's senses of humor are different and they find different things funny, (I even enjoy a little shock humor, or tongue in cheek humor even if it is slightly offensive, even to me) but its obvious that Amy is really, really, not getting the joke.

They May Be Jealous

And its not fun when someone calls you a whore or a bitch or makes cracks about your black dad when it really really hurts your feelings. I mean, I wouldn't let knuckle heads bother me, I might even laugh, but Amy is not laughing. And if you care for her you'll understand that its just not fair to her.

I agree – the disrespectful friends are just unacceptable!

I think your friends enjoy getting under her skin. They know she hates it, and funny or not they should at least respect YOU enough as a friend to lay off your girl or to stop being rude. This is a small compromise, its not like they are changing who they are. Hell, maybe they are even jealous of your relationship. Is that why they make it so hard?

Take a Break

Anyway, it seems like both of you have personal issues you have to deal with before you try to make a relationship work full time. Jay is wondering what he wants to do with his life and he's low on confidence, and Amy is – well – trying not to go insane by doing everything in the whole wide world. Maybe a short break is in order to sort things out. Not a break up, but just a break.

I hope it works out for you guys, sorry for being long winded.

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