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Dear Curious,
As a college student myself, I have often wondered the same thing
that you are wondering.
First, if some of my friends are in love and getting engaged, is
there something wrong with me or the relationships that I am in?
Second, is this really the time to be getting into such serious
relationships, and what is the ultimate benefit or cost to a more
casual attitude towards relationships?
Girls and Guys Have Different Intentions
My friends and I have discussed this issue to no end and I have
come to the conclusion that for every individual the answer is different
BUT the truth is that for guys and girls the intentions are also
very different. It seems to me that guys and girls, for the most
part in the first few years at college, have very different ideas
of what they are looking for and what the "college experience"
should entail.
Guys Don't Want a Serious Relationship
A lot of the guys that I talk to are looking for a good time and
don't feel like they are ready or wiling to put in the time or the
effort that a serious relationship would involve.
Some of them are looking to find a girl that they can treat well
and be involved with but not have that "serious relationship
thing" getting in the way – these guys want to have their
cake and eat it too :-).
Most Girls Want a Serious Relationship
A lot of the girls that I have talked to express a desire to "be
in love and live happily ever after" and tend to be looking
for a more serious relationship. Some of my closest friends, however,
just want to have fun and date a different guy every week.
Be Honest from the Start
At the end of the day, it's up to you to decide what you are looking
for and where you can find it. If you are not ready for a commitment
and would rather just date different guys and have fun then there
is nothing wrong with that. If, however, you are looking for something
serious and are not interested in having casual relationships then
it is imporant that you are honest with the guys that you get involved
with from the start.
Have "The Talk"
If you go out with a guy on a number of dates and you feel that
there is a chance that you may be into him, I highly recommend having
"the talk." Sit him down and ask him what he's looking
for from the situation and explain to him what you are looking for.
If you find that you are both on different pages then maybe it is
time to move on and find someone else who is looking for the same
thing as you are. It's all about figuring out what you are looking
for and if you are going to get that from the guys that you are
dating.
Last Chance To Be "Young and Wild and Free"
You aren't going to get into trouble if you are straight forward
and honest with both yourself and the guy that you are involved
with. A lot of people feel that college should be the best years
of your life and that while your responsibilities increase and you
do have to grow up a little bit this is your last chance to be "young
and wild and free." If that means having a few casual relationships
that you learn something from, then I say "Go for it".
Don't Worry About Marriage
There is no reason why you should have to start worrying about
getting married just yet. You have a lot of time to do that in the
future.
In the meantime, study hard, enjoy life, and figure out what would
make you happiest and how to find it. Just remember that the best
way to get what you are looking for is by being honest about it
with yourself first and then with anyone else that you get involved
with.
– Foxy
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