Survivor Answers:

Dear Stary Eyed,

Have You Seen His Rap Sheet?

Have you seen his rap sheet, or are you just going by his word when he says his crime was nothing violent or sexual?

No Contact with Released Prisoners

I work with a program that takes information into state and federal prisons, as well as county and local lockups. We also do letter writing for the same institutions. One of the first things they tell you when you get your orientation is that contact outside once the prisioner is released should not to happen.

How can you say that all prisoners are bad? My husband is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

Several good reasons for this:

• These "pen pals" are good con men, and will prey on any innocent victim that they can get their hands on.
  
  
• It looks good on their prison behaviour records that they attend any kind of meeting while inside the gates, or can show that they are in contact with someone who will vouch for them as a good person when it comes time for porole or release.
  
  
• Stats show that something like 80% of these letter writing relationships that continue when the inmate gets out end up in a tragedy of one sort or another.

Love without Meeting Face-to-Face

I wonder why people assume that meeting someone face to face is automatically a better than meeting someone online?

How can you talk of "love" or of having "strong feelings" for a person you have never met face to face? Have you gone and visited him in person?

Most Prisoners Never Rehabilitate

That's a pessimistic view of rehabilitation. It's hard, but the support of a good woman can help him.

Sorry, but kids, family, house and the whole nine yards sounds real immature at this point. Certainly people do rehab themselves while in prison, but a whole slew of them don't – most, as a matter of fact.

Letter Writing Is Not the Best Way to Convey Emotion

Sorry, again, but letter writing is not the best way to convey emotional content between two people. So much of the undercurrent gets lost unless you already know the person (as in true love letters).

I could this evening write you a passionate love letter, or take time to "get to know you" through a series of letters, and you might just fall for me also. They would be sincere and well intentioned for what I would hope to gain from them, and my wife would never even have an idea that I was writing them. (Oops – did I really forget to put married into my letters?)

Just Be Friends

I would suggest you let this go, and if possible try to remain friends with this gent. People in prison need an ear also, but keep it light. Maybe talk it over with a trusted friend, priest, rabbi or even a professional. But keep going in the current direction? Naught.

– Mr. Survivor

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