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Dear Kristy,
There Are Nicer Ways To Say "No"
It sounds to me like you did the right thing, but maybe not in
the most tactful way. Vance was not being perverted when he told
you he loved you and was jealous of Brandon; he was putting himself
out on a line. I'm not saying that you should have gone out with
him, it's just that there are nicer ways to say "no" to
someone.
He Shouldn't Have Had His Friends Call You
His getting his friends to call you was wrong; it sounds like he
couldn't let go. Since he stopped calling you it seems like it is
over. If he continues to bother you then you might want to tell
a counselor or another trusted adult about it.
Stop Flirting with Guys You're Not Interested In
Maybe you should also watch your actions around guys. When you
like someone, it is very easy to misinterpret signals. If you act
flirty around a guy, he may begin to think you like him, so if you
catch yourself doing that around a guy you are not interested in,
you should stop yourself.
He Put Himself Out There
I think you should cool down your friendship with Vance for a while,
it seems like you guys both need a little space. But I don't think
you should hold a grudge against him – he was just putting
himself out there for you.
He Has a Self-Esteem Problem
It sounds to me like he has a self-esteem problem, which may be
because of his weight, so you might want to be careful about the
mean things that you say around him, he may take them more seriously
than others.
Just tell him nicely that you want nothing more than friendship,
and if he keeps bugging you then you can't give him even that. Just
try to be understanding of his feelings, he may be more sensitive
than most guys. If the "stalking" continues tell somebody
who can help.
Good Luck!
– Annie
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