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Dear Anonymous,
Welcome to the minefield that is guys and sex... please watch your
step.
Your Business Becomes His Business
The fact that you slept with two other guys after you broke up
is your business, but if you're truly thinking about getting back
together with your ex, then your business becomes his business as
well.
There are a few reasons I feel this way.
He Deserves To Know the Risks
The first is that in this day and age, sex is a dangerous sport.
Regardless of the precautions you (hopefully) took, nothing is 100%
safe. The risks to which you exposed yourself become his risks as
well, and he deserves to know what those risks are.
Virginity Is a Big Issue for Him
The second reason is that since this is such a big issue for him,
whether or not you slept with someone will be important for him.
In all likelihood, he covets your virginity just as much as he covets
his own, and he deserves to know the truth.
But, the truth can be brutal. I remember when my ex-girlfriend
told me she had sex with another guy after we broke up. I was absolutely
devastated; it haunted me for a long time, and colored my outlook
on the future. Chances are, your ex will feel the same way. But,
those are his issues, and he needs to be offered the opportunity
to work through them, and come to terms with your sexuality and
how he relates to it.
Move On If He Can't Accept Your Choices
You did absolutely nothing wrong by sleeping with those guys, but
what you must understand is that your choices may have transformed
you into someone who – though not wrong per se – is nonetheless
wrong for your ex. If he can't accept your choices at present, then
move on for now, and maybe someday he'll come around.
Untruths and Omissions
Even though telling your ex the truth may carry with it dire consequences
for a possible future, you can't renew a relationship founded upon
untruths or omission. It really is a minefield, and though your
next step may cause chaos, you must either put a foot forward, or
turn and walk away...
whatever you do, don't waste your time and his sitting on the fence.
– Shaggy
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