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Mr. Long Distance -
Puuuuhleeeeease!
Double Standard
First you say you told Tanya that she could "hang out with
other guys" so she wouldn't miss out on her last year of high
school, then you get upset when she starts having what you call
"too much fun" with one of these guys?
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Perhaps you mean hypocritical
instead of double standard? |
Can you say, "unrealistic relationship goals?" How about,
"double standard?"
I knew you could.
Listen, I am relating to your story on a couple of different levels:
the long distance thing, and the age difference thing.
One at a time:
Long Distance Relationships Require Work
The distance thing sucks. Period. That doesn't mean LDRs (long
distance relationships) never work, it just means they take even
more work and dedication than "normal" relationships,
and that's a lot. I'm involved in an LDR right now, and one thing
I can say is that a mutual desire to keep the communication active
is key. If she ain't calling you anymore, that's a clue.
Break It Off
Instead of staying hung up on her, make it official (break it off
yourself) and look for someone closer to home. I hear the ladies
in Florida are not too shabby.
Your Ages Are Too Different
The age difference: the older you get, the less significant each
year of difference becomes, up to a point (this holds for differences
of 3 to around 20 or 25 years, roughly speaking. Twenty-three year
old models marrying 90-year-old, crusty, filthy rich wrinkled men
"for love and companionship" just doesn't cut it in my
book.). So, for instance, if ten years from now you were to be with
a woman 4 years your junior, that probably wouldn't be a big deal.
Today though, it's a world of difference – I'm not even getting
into legal issues here (she is a minor, and statutory
rape questions have been covered elsewhere in these pages).
Over the next 5 to 10 years, you will both be experiencing some
of the most important transformations in your lives – broadening
personal and academic horizons, professional enrichment and career
development, and myriad other parts of the transition to independent
living. Generally speaking, I think it's a good idea to go through
this stage of life with someone in a similar place – literally
and figuratively.
Age may not be the only factor (I personally took some time off
during college, so many of the friends I have who are in the same
place in life I am are younger), but it cannot be ignored. You and
Tanya are worlds apart right now, and are likely to grow further
apart before you get closer.
Look for Someone in Your Own Backyard
Rather than working on her, you should work on yourself –
move on (don't forget – every relationship is a learning opportunity)
and look for someone in your own back yard and in the same neighborhood
in life.
Good luck,
– Mensch
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