Dear Confused,

Sure, you've heard that "opposites attract", but you've also heard that birds of a feather flock together, right?

I don't think there is one set thing that ALWAYS happens in relationships. In some ways, my husband and I are frighteningly similar; in others, we are complete opposites.

It's About Balance

I agree! Sameness is boring.

I think the most important thing to me is to find a balance with my partner. I think I would be bored by someone who was exactly like me in every way. Yet, if the person was completely different from me, we might have a hard time finding common ground on which to connect. The more relationships you have, the more you will be able to figure out what balance is right for you.

Don't Blame One Thing

Now, specific to your situation – has this girl told you that the reason she is not attracted to you is because you are too much alike? Or is this something you have determined on your own. Either way, I doubt that the lack of attraction on her part can be blamed on one specific thing. Attraction is usually too complicated for anyone to put their finger on an exact reason it does or does not exist.

Someone Different Is Exciting

Or it could simply be that he doesn't know who she's compatible with. HE can't decide for her.

As for your question about why this girl is attracted to someone you say she isn't compatible with – there could be a lot of reasons for that. One might be that she finds someone different from her to be more exciting.

She's Not Ready for Someone Compatible

Another reason could be that she doesn't truly feel like she is ready for a relationship, so she is purposely seeking out someone who is not compatible with her.

Accept the Friendship

The truth is, you could spend a lot of time trying to figure this situation out. But instead of spinning your wheels, I suggest accepting the relationship for what it is – a friendship. If you try to force it to go any other way, you run the risk of losing what you do have.

– Gillian