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Dear Lotte,
Yes.
I realize, I'm supposed to elaborate, so I will as much as possible.
It's Hard for Me To Understand No Sex
While I am not personally interested in having a relationship without
sex, and actually find it hard to understand, I know that it is
very possible to be in one without this physical element.
I believe it has to do something with your convictions and how
strongly you can hold them. For this, it would be important for
you to evaluate why you don't want to have sex. Is it because of
religious beliefs? Do you wanna save yourself for marriage? Do you
think it's gross or dirty? Are you scared of sex?
Know Your Boundaries
Abstinence is obviously the only fool-proof way of not contracting
STD's or getting pregnant, but do you draw the line with coital
intercourse or all sexual conduct, e.g. fellatio, cunnilingus, mutual
masturbation? Until you know for sure where your boundaries lie,
you cannot expect somebody else to accept them.
Tell Him
Once you have decided why, you will need to share this with your
"nice guy". Obviously this isn't necessarily first date
banter, or second or third, necessarily. However, I do recommend
that this comes up before you are in a compromising position. Meaning,
it's gonna be harder for you to say "I don't wanna have sex
with you" if he's kissing your neck or you're spooning on the
couch.
Tell him at a comfortable time when you are talking about "things".
It's something he would need to know. If he doesn't like it, you
might lose him, but there is the possibility that he'll be okay
with it.
You May Change Your Mind
There is also the possibility that you may fall in love and find
that you have changed your mind and actually want to make love to
him. Someday. When you're ready.
Oh, and if that happens, be sure to write back. I'm a lot better
at the "how to" than the abstinence questions. :)
– Alicia
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