Dear Lotte,

Of course you can start any relationship without having the intention of having sex with your partner. A lot of people have the misconception that in order to make a mutual relationship, you have to be willing to give more than you might want to.

Most Relationships Don't Involve Sex

Most relationships, I would guess, do not involve sex; they simply involve two people being attracted to each other and taking things as far as both of them are willing to go together. You start running into problems when you do things against your will for the sake of pleasing others.

Hint to Him That You Don't Want Sex

It's not that he's older – he's making her nervous.

As far as dating an older guy, you might want to take into consideration that he has more experience than you, and in this case he may want to take things further and faster than you might. So if you do like this guy and want a relationship with him, it is important to have good communication and honesty with him. You should hint to him that you want to take things slow and are not interested in having sex. If he is a good guy, he should respect that and continue to be with you regardless of your decisions.

I Make It Clear That I Don't Want Sex

Why? I don't understand a relationship without sex.

When I begin a relationship with a girl, I make it very clear that I am not in it for a physical relationship. I take things very slowly, and it usually gives the girl the impression that I want to be better friends before anything happens. Sometimes months go by with little or no physical intimacy. And that is fine for me and fine for them, as long as we both agree that we can handle it while respecting each others' decisions.

If this guy does not respect your decision, he is not the right one for you. Don't feel that you need to have sex with someone or do something that you feel you aren't ready for just because you want a relationship and desire some affection.

– Carl