Doc,

It's Natural To Be Scared of Becoming a Dad

OK, I am going to be civil to you, because I think it is only natural to be scared when you are about to have your first child. I do think, however, you have been behaving very badly. You must recognize that you are making these decisions at a pivotal time in your marriage. Even in the most perfect situations, having your first child is fear-inducing.

Be a Dad, not a Sperm Donor

But to say that you stayed with your wife for 7 years, married, bought a home and made a child because it was "the next logical step", is probably as untrue as it is unfair. And you certainly weren't seeing her as a "sister" when you made that baby with her.

He shouldn't be a dad. He should be publicly castrated.

You also said that you are overjoyed at becoming a Dad. What kind of Dad will you be in another country when your child is born? That's not a Dad, that's a sperm donor. Dads are THERE.

Knowing Someone in Theory

As for your Internet woman, you don't make much sense to me. How can you both be "VERY" different but think just alike? And how can you be willing to throw your whole life away for someone you only know in theory? Do you know even one of her bad habits? Are you really basing your physical sexual compatibility on conversations? How crazy is that?

I Wouldn't Give 2 Cents for a Woman Like That

Before you accuse her, consider that he may not have even TOLD her he's married.

I personally wouldn't give 2 cents for a woman who is so selfish and immature to speak inappropriately to a pregnant woman's husband. And of course you have nothing but wonderful conversations! You don't have the pressures of real life, no fighting over bills, adjusting to one another's habits, taking out each other's bad days on each other, saying and doing things we regret. In other words, no real life. Just sweet talk and no demands.

Filling in the Blanks with Hopes

I have never been married, so I have many, many, new relationships in my past, and I agree with what you said, it's always great. That' s because it is mostly in our heads. We don't know any of their faults, and we tend to fill in the blanks with all of the fabulous things we hope they possess.

Your Wife Has Stood by You through Rocky Times

Your wife, on the other hand, is reality. You've seen her cranky, selfish, sick, asking for things you can't give, and not able to fulfill all of your fantasies. But don't forget, you've also seen her stand by you through those "rocky times" you spoke of, given you oceans of love and acceptance, aroused all of the love and passion you have felt for her over the years, forgiven you your mistakes, trusted you enough to build her past, present and future around you, plus is making you another whole person who will adore you just as much! Are you really willing to throw that all away for a new sexual position? Don't be ridiculous.

You Can Ride This Out

Why should he try to ride it out? He should leave now, for his wife's sake.

The good news is that I know you can ride this out. I think you are just having jitters and are projecting your hopes of finding the perfect, passionate, pressure-free life on your Internet princess. It is all smoke and mirrors. What you are grasping for does not exist. We all have our quirks and flaws. She is no different. There will always be a cute 22-year-old talking a good game.

Being married is about sticking to your decisions, and loving someone with all their faults and eccentricities. You can exchange the partner, but you still have to do things to make it work or you will just end up again right where you are now. You need to put your energy into making your home a more loving place instead of trying to get love from strangers.

I Search for What You Take for Granted

The next time you wake in the night to curl around your wife and hold her big, beautiful belly, remember that there are people like me, who search all their lives for what you have been taking for granted.

Sweet-Talk Your Wife into One of Your Fantasies

And for God's sake – the next time you have the urge to get on another chat-line, go for a walk with your wife instead. Use some of that sweet-talk on her instead of some stranger! Talk to her about what it was like when you first met and you were in that wonderful gooshy stage. Remind her and yourself. Ya never know, you could sweet-talk her into one of those positions you have been dreaming about!

Good luck to you and your new family.

– Patra