Reader Linda Responds:
I'm reading the words of someone clinging to a last bastion
of hope.
So am I.
As for the standby boyfriend, no one likes having their
heart dragged around by someone they're hot for. Knowing
that the other person feels the same is the confirmation
of love we all live for. BUT, we can't be all things to
all people. Inasmuch, let's consider the concept of moving
on.
Dating! Yuck. Who gets hurt next? Right?
Well, I don't like being strung along, but I'm a fair person.
I feel that I need to have a PLAN in order to let potential
love grow on a "level playing field."
Follow me now:
Date for a Long Time
After ALL my failed loves, my plan now is to DATE for a
LONG time. This means that no matter how I do – or
don't – feel about any man that I date, I will wait
to get physically involved (and therefore leave the door
open to date) until we get to know each other more as the
real people we are. I know. It never worked for me before
either, but for every plan there must be a METHOD. Here
'tis.
Insist That He Date Others
I'll insist that he also date others if he tires from talking
to my answering machine all the time. I've got a life and
plan to keep it. After all, a man starts out wet behind
the ears but wants space after he becomes involved with
someone who is emotionally available to him. Choosing to
date doesn't make you a player if you are willing to be
honest about it.
We must not cave to internal or external pressures if we
want to have what we deserve – that true love. Shop
around, Baby! Is it not the woman who must take responsibility
to look past the possible false security of love before
hitting the sheets with an interesting man? Well, here's
how WOMEN can have their cake and eat it, too!
Don't allow the dating to become informal as this where
we cross that line we promised ourselves we weren't going
to cross too soon – to intimacy.
This is easy if you don't break JUST ONE RULE...
THE RULE:
Don't invite him in, or accept his invitation to come in
and sit down, until you are both talking about wanting a
relationship with each other. This means no renting movies
with him at home. We know how make out sessions turn out.
What you can do is meet him places, or be ready to go when
he arrives to pick you up. And when the activity is done,
so is the date. Say goodnight. Give him a hug. Say thanks.
One date every week or two ought to do for a while, eh?
If you want to try one more time for REAL LOVE (you know,
the kind two people can enjoy) you WILL risk losing a couple
– few men, but it's better than growing old with someone
you shouldn't have committed to, Babe.
I know the love gods are probably laughing at me, but it
helps me in my own affirmations to write out my plans. I
can WIN, and so can you. Let's plan on it!
Peace,
– Linda, aka Loveless
Female, age 37, Las Vegas
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