NicKeRs and Brandan,

We both worked on this answer for you, but Brad had some stronger feelings on the subject and ran off at the mouth (or fingers).

Get Away from My Daughter!

First, I need to put on my "father of two daughters" hat.
You say you are in no rush. Good. I started to think about this from the father's perspective. What would I want from some 20 year old trying to date my 16 year old? The answer that first comes to mind is: Nothing. Get away from my daughter!! She's not dating or marrying anyone, ever!! As stupid as it sounds, it's very real. No one is good enough for either of my daughters until I say he is, or until I'm dead.

Now, your girlfriend's father is probably a fairly rational man but FEELS like I described above. He (I'm pretty sure who is in charge of these decisions) is going with his gut feeling on this. I would too.

Play by Her Father's Rules

However, there may be a way to win him over. If you want to date her, you must play by his rules.

1. Find out from your girlfriend (should be your last illicit phone call) when her father will be home.
   
   
2. Knock on the front door and ask permission to speak with him. Call him "Sir" and mean it. "Sir, may I speak with you about ______?"
   
   
3. Ask her father the conditions under which you may see his daughter.
   
   
4. Agree to any he gives you.
   
   
5. As an example, ask permission to take her on a picnic in her backyard.
   
   
6. Don't even think of hugging and kissing his daughter that day.
   
   
7. If you're given permission for a picnic, don't even try to sneak off to some corner or shady spot. Even the hint of 'cheating' will get you kicked off the playing field.
   
   
8. Heather reminds you to bring her mother flowers. You can never go wrong there.
   
   
9. Don't ever deviate from any of the conditions, ever. He'll let you know whether they've changed.

Court Her Parents

It's not worth courting her parents. His relationship goals are totally different from hers.

This may seem old-fashioned and a little ridiculous, but she's worth it if you're convinced that she's the one. Court her parents as much as you want to court her. Don't forget: They may be in-laws someday (don't burn bridges).

Show THEM the Respect She Deserves

I explained my initial reaction to a twenty year old trying to date my sixteen year old: "Not while I'm living!" If that same young man knocked on my door and spoke to me as I described above, I wouldn't turn him away. If he was willing to show me this much respect, he might be able to show my daughter the respect she deserves. This demonstration of courage and integrity would get his foot in the door that would otherwise remain shut (welded, strung with barbed wire, guarded with shotguns). Not kidding.

Dating Does Not Mean Sex

And remember this: Dating does NOT mean sex.

Both of You Will Change

Next, we are going to put on our "you don't want to hear it but here it comes anyway" hats. What she feels at 16 is probably not what she'll feel at 26. You both will grow, you can only hope that you grow in the same ways. Just know that dating someone at 15-16 is a risk.

Of course it's a risk – that's why he should let her date other 15-year-olds.

Maybe it will work out for you, but please remember how much people change during their teenage years. Twenty-somethings change a lot, too. Be aware that change will happen to you and hopefully for the best.

A Lot of Growing in the Early Years

Lastly, let us put on our "we know what you mean" hats. We are five years apart. Heather was 20 when we met and now looks back at the past seven years with a smile. She barely recognizes who she was, but is glad to have grown into her marriage instead of out of it. There is a lot of growing to do in these early years. With work, it can be done together.

I Won Over my Father-in-Law

My father-in-law was also against our relationship, but I won him over in time. I proved to him by demonstrating proper respect, that I am a man of integrity. It can work for you if you are convinced she's worth it.

Good luck and do the right thing.

– Brad & Heather