|
Angel Face,
It DOES Happen to a Lot of Girls
This is such a sad, sad, story. Even sadder because it DOES happen
to a lot of girls – even to me when I was just a little older
than you are.
It Was Assault
I don't know if what happened to you would be considered rape in
the legal sense of the word, but it was definitely assault, and
you definitely were violated physically and emotionally.
There Is Nothing You Could Have Done To Stop It
I don't think you are looking for a solution, just validation that
what happened to you was forced on you and not your fault. And that
definitely sounds like the case here. You were clear about wanting
to leave, and clear about not wanting to be physical with this boy.
You did all the right things for the situation.
There is nothing you could have done that night to stop what happened,
unfortunately, but you are not to blame. The boy is.
Called a Prude
My situation (actually, there were two) was similar because I was
not sure if I was to blame. In one case, when I was about 14, a
boy kept verbally taunting me, calling me a prude, because I didn't
want to let him feel me up. As I would say I wasn't a prude, he
took that as a "yes" that he could feel me up. I didn't
know what to do, but because he wasn't being violent, I was finally
able to leave and escape the taunting and stop feeling trapped.
A Boyfriend Raped Me
In the second case, when I was older, a boyfriend raped me, but
I felt like the situation was again unclear because we'd had sex
in the past.
No Right to Violate
It took me a while to realize that in both these cases, no matter
how unclear the circumstances, the boys did not have a right to
violate me. I had to go to therapy and be validated by a therapist
that what happened was against my will.
I don't know what course of action you want to take. You may be
able to start healing just by knowing you were validated. You may
want to go to therapy. Or you may want to press charges (there are
witnesses in your case which could help).
Talk to Someone Who Won't Force Their Opinion
I recommend talking with an adult about your options, someone who
won't force their opinion on you. A guidance counselor at school
or a social worker there might be a good start – I do not think
they will be forced to report the incident as this is not a case
of child abuse, but you may want to ask ahead of time.
I Don't Know Why They Do It
I don't know why some boys act this way. I'm not sure if they
grow out of it – I lost contact (thankfully) with both of the
boys in my situation shortly after the incidents. I don't know how
to stop this behavior – it seems so pervasive.
In the meantime, it seems like girls are forced to constantly think
about protecting themselves. Go places only with girlfriends or
boys you really trust. Stay in groups as much as possible when some
people are untrustworthy or strangers. Take your time getting to
know people, and limit your time alone with new people.
Maybe other readers will have some ideas.
– Judith
|
