Dear Panel,

My boyfriend of a little over a year broke up with me a week ago. We were very much in love, always had fun and were pretty much best friends.

Dumb Fights

The only thing wrong was that we got in little spats all the time, so often and stupid, that I couldn't even remember why we were fighting in the first place. After a dumb fight last week, he went a few days not speaking to me before finally breaking up with me.

He tells me "it's not there anymore."

I Drain Him

After talking to him, a lot of things started to make sense. He told me that I started to "drain" him of love for me. I realized that I had been taking advantage of the sweet things he did for me, and instead of thinking of them as favors, I began to EXPECT them (and throw tantrums if I didn't get them). I have blown so many chances to change, but I never EVER thought he'd leave. HE loved me soooo much, I took it for granted.

Well, I really want him back and have sworn that I will changed, I have taken up seeing a counselor, I have sent him flowers and letters everyday, I have proclaimed my love and apologies for hurting him so much. But nothing seems to be working.

He Won't Take Me Back

He did tell me that this is a lot his fault as well, because he should've spoken up sooner about when I was hurting him, but instead he let it build up to this. I can't believe that he isn't still in love with me, I can hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. This breakup is KILLING him inside, but he won't budge.

What should I do? I won't allow myself to believe that this is REALLY the end. I think I deserve a chance to change, and to earn his love back. I want to work out the problems in communication and appreciation, but he won't let me.

Since I haven't left him alone yet since we broke up, I decided to give him some time alone to sort out his feelings on his own without my distractions. A good friend gave me this advice: "You've lost him, but he hasn't even begun to lose you yet." So, hopefully time will show him how wonderful my love for him can be.

Honestly, how often do guys change their minds in a situation like this? What other subtle things can I do to win him back?

I love him more than I ever thought possible, he is a WONDERFUL man, and I want to treat him right. What to do?

- Princess88

Female, age 23, Wilmington, DE

 

Jimmy, KP, Luthien, Saibhin, and Sistergirl answer this question.