Answers:

Hi Princess88,

He May Be Punishing You

He's not trying to punish her. He's just giving her time to grow up.

It seems to me that he might have turned the tables on you here. Instead of being the one to give and give, he's sitting back and letting you shower him with attention (for a change). He might also be trying to show you how hurtful it is, when someone says and does nice things for you and gets nothing in return. Now you know exactly how he felt, when he did such things for you and you just took them for granted. He may be just punishing you or trying to teach you a lesson.

Or, maybe, he REALLY feels nothing more for the relationship and is not thinking about it at all. That's a painful reality you may just have to accept.

Women have a propensity for "talking things out" and getting them settled right away. Men often just shut down and don't communicate, until they've sorted things out for themselves and are ready to talk. It's the Mars- Venus thing.

He Can't Admit He's Wrong if You Prove Him Right

Badgering the guy may just help to push this relationship over the edge. Remember that "draining" comment he made? Don't look now. But, you're doing it again. He can't admit he was wrong, if you keep proving to him, by constantly calling him, sending him cards and gifts, etc., that he was right!

Then, again, this all could be too little, too late.

Call It Quits

I disagree, because you can't just call it quits no matter how much you try.

It may just be time to call it quits on this relationship. Sorry to say that, but I went through a similar situation. I broke up with my first husband who took ME for granted for many years. Soon after the breakup, he was showering me with gifts, sent me poetry (which I love and he hated), love notes ... even went so far as to say that he wanted to have a baby (which he never wanted).

He Won't "Snap Out of It"

But, by then, I had been so drained of feeling for him that I was numb. At that point, he could have offered me the sun, moon and stars and I would have just stared at him. It was gone and it was never going to come back. Your boyfriend may have reached his breaking (up) point in this relationship and right now is just numb about it (void of any feelings one way or another). If that is the case – believe me– he won't "snap out of it."

You're Not Giving Him Any Time

You, on the other hand, are not leaving him any time to "think" about and sort out what has happened. You were the one who was broken up with, and you're hurt. Rejection is not an easy thing for any of us to swallow. It not only causes heartache, but it hurts your pride, as well. It also makes you feel "not so good" about yourself. You feel that if you had been a better person, he wouldn't have broken up with you. So, right away, you resolve to fix things and "change".

He Didn't Just "Change His Mind"

Women tend to blame themselves for everything that happens in a relationship. "What did I do to deserve this?" "What did I do wrong?" But, let's also look at this from another angle. Don't automatically assume that your boyfriend isn't in pain, just because HE broke up with YOU. This could have been very hard for him. Let it lie. He didn't just "change his mind". I'm sure it goes much deeper than that.

If he's half the man, you say he is, it probably was one of the most difficult decisions he has ever had to make. Give him some space AWAY from the relationship to think about what has happened. If he does decide that his decision was a wrong one, he'll come to you and tell you so.

Date Others

And what would be so wrong about giving him the opportunity to start to miss YOU? Right now he knows that you are right there, waiting for him to just "say the word". Step back. Go out. See others. Keep yourself busy. Don't contact him at all. You'll find that it will either be "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "outta sight, outta mind." But, whatever the outcome, at least you will know one way or the other and there will be closure. You can't change him.

You Won't Change

You can't change who you are, but you can change your behavior. She needs to figure out how to behave in a relationship.

Which brings me around to your words: "I'll change." A very noble gesture, but.... no you won't. I'm not being mean. I'm being truthful. You're who you are. You should never want or be expected to change who you are for someone else. And, I'm sure that this is NOT what your boyfriend wants either. I would like to think that your boyfriend loved you for the person you were. And, if he didn't, well, it's best that you found out now.

If there is any changing to be done, it should be a "joint" effort... maybe a relationship counselor, that you BOTH agree to see for the sake of your relationship. What you both need to find out is if the relationship is still good for both of you. But, you both have to be committed to finding this out AND willing to accept the outcome.

If One Quits, It's Over

Despite what all the love songs say, LOVE and WORK go hand in hand. It takes two people who are truly committed to making the relationship work, not just one who NEEDS the relationship so much that they are willing to change who they are to keep it.

– KP

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