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Dear Confused,
No Such Thing as Perfect Romance
The newness of any potential relationship always brings exhilaration
and excitement and the promise of "perfect romance." There
is NO SUCH THING. Not of perfect romance, not of the perfect marriage,
nor especially of the perfect relationship. THE GRASS ALWAYS LOOKS
GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.
Give Your Relationship the Effort It Deserves
Instead of considering how you can get some "instant gratification"
and destroy your relationship and life, why don't you take the time,
effort and energy that every relationship needs and yours obviously
deserves, to grow and make you, your husband and your children happier,
more fulfilled human beings.
We all learn and grow in every relationship, friendship, family
or intimate, and grow as individuals separate and apart from those
we love and respect. It takes TIME, ENERGY, DEVOTION and MUCH EFFORT
to work on keeping a marriage relationship fresh, sensuous and satisfying.
ROMANCE AND PASSION ALWAYS FADE, unless you work at maintaining
and developing them.
I married my husband of 30 years after 3 months of passion. Six
months later I woke up one morning thinking – GOD, I am sleeping
with my brother. The LUST had suddenly changed. We still desired
each other, but not with the excitement of "first love."
Everyone Goes Through This
So what does one do when this happens, when, as time goes on, we
seem to grow apart instead of together? Do you not realize that
EVERYONE goes through this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Relationships require
care and attention to nurture closeness and sharing.
Talk About What Interests Both of You
My husband likes sports, I do not. He loves the game of bridge,
I do not. But we have the love of our children to share, and the
love of each other to stimulate. We discuss what DOES interest us.
We bowl together, we ride, and work out. We talk about books and
current events, and religion. We also, and most importantly make
special time for pleasures of the body, to compliment each other's
abilities in bed, to enjoy and satisfy each other.
Set Aside Time for Pleasure
Whether you like to give/receive a good massage, or any ordinary
or extraordinary pleasure, you must set aside time for each other
that way. Send the kids to the grandparents for the night/weekend
occasionally and set that time aside for an intimate dinner (in
or out of the house) and explore each other's desires and needs,
and thoughts that you need to share. Dreams for the future of your
lives and your children's lives. Plans for vacations and adventures.
Walk together around the block after the kids are asleep. Get in
a baby sitter and DON"T GO TO THE MOVIES, talk over coffee
or a drink. Take a hotel room. If money is short, see if you can
trade weekends with another couple – they take your kids one
weekend a month, you take theirs during another.
Cuddle together when you are afraid the kids are still up. Share
your dreams and hopes and aspirations. Tell him how much you care
about him and show him you are willing and able to reignite the
passion between you – buy some sexy lingerie, massage oil,
a vibrator or other sex toy.
Don't Take Everyday Problems to Bed
Don't let the everyday problems and annoyances get into bed with
you at night. When one takes a lover, the financial problems, kids
homework or discipline, household chores left undone, don't exist.
These are the things that throw cold water on EVERY RELATIONSHIP!!!
Also, with a new lover, we tend to ignore their faults, the toilet
seat left up, the clothes on the floor, the snoring, the annoying
habits we observe for years and years. Think of each day as a new
beginning and a way to make each other happy and satisfied.
Tell each other what you can each do to make each other happy and
satisfied. Tell him you miss the passion and you want it back –
ask what you can do. Let it be your responsibility to spark the
passion anew – talk about what he can do for YOU to reignite
yours if his imagination doesn't kick in.
COMMUNICATION is key.
Not allowing the everyday crap to stand in your way is key.
WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU? You can achieve the same sort
of closeness you once had. You have a husband who is good to you,
cares about you, but has simply lost the understanding of how to
keep you interested in him and your relationship. THAT can happen
to anyone. YOU make it your primary objective to change that.
MARRIAGE IS A LOT OF WORK. A good marriage is even more work, especially
in maintaining/bringing each other closer and more intimately connected.
If you do more than your share, he will meet you and you will make
your entire family happier.
Relieve Stress with Good Sex
Good sex is a release from the stresses of the day and its problems
and aggravations. And being close and intimate with a man requires
work and energy and commitment – God knows, you can't expect
THEM to initiate a fabulous seduction. Get books on Tantric sex,
or the Kama Sutra. Discuss with him any interest he might have in
doing something kinky (within your boundaries). Let him know you
still love and desire him. If there was enough to begin the marriage,
you can create more to prolong it.
Appreciate Every Inch of His Athletic Body with Your Tongue
He is athletic – therefore, must have a nice body – appreciate
every inch of it with your tongue. Use whipped cream, chocolate
sauce, ice – USE YOUR IMAGINATION, and tell him what you would
like him to do to you.
Get Out of the Rut
You are LUCKY – apparently, he is NOT looking for someone
else at this point in time. Just get out of the rut you are in and
REJUVENATE your relationship. It's WORTH IT!!!
– Mamala
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