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Dear Confused & Tempted,
Fix Your Marriage First
My advice would be slightly different if there were no kids involved,
but I would still tell you to stop spending time with the older
guy and focus on fixing your marriage first. Giving in to temptation
now will only complicate your life and make things harder for you
in the long run.
OK, ask yourself some questions:
- What is more important to you, your children's happiness or
your sex life?
- Which do you value more, the experiences you've shared with
your husband (falling in love, building a life together, having
two kids), or the potential thrill you might experience with the
other guy?
- And if you give in to your temptation where does that leave
you?
A Huge Risk for Nothing
You'll have betrayed your husband and endangered the happiness
of your entire family just so you could heat up your sex life. There's
a good chance this older guy isn't all he's cracked up to be, so
you might be taking this huge risk for nothing. And even if no one
ever finds out, you'll have to live with the guilt forever; you'll
be hiding something, which can be extremely stressful.
Sex Just for the Thrill Isn't That Great
Granted, the two of you were married very young and you're probably
wondering what you missed out on. That's normal. If it's any consolation,
I've sown many an oat, and can tell you that sex just for the thrill
isn't all that great. It's usually just a lot of wasted energy;
the chase, the disappointment, the dirty sheets. Sex with someone
you love is what really matters.
The more difficult part will be figuring out what will really make
you happy. It's normal to want romance and a fulfilling sex life,
but I think the fact that you are looking outside of your marriage
to fix that might signal some other issues.
Search for What's Really Making You Unhappy
You mentioned that you think you and your husband have little in
common. Maybe you're looking for more intimacy with him or attention
from him, which is reasonable. Or maybe you're feeling unfulfilled
in other areas of your life. Before you do anything, do some soul
searching to see what's really making you unhappy in your marriage.
Eventually, you need to talk to your husband about all of this.
He thinks you're his soul mate; you think you have nothing in common.
This reeks of a lack of communication in your marriage.
Your Husband Will Be Happy To Work It Out
The good news is that your husband seems to loves you very much
and will probably be more than happy to work things out with you.
Let him know you miss romance. Let him know you want to spend more
time doing things together; this will help rebuild common interests.
It might not get better overnight, but it'll be worth the effort
in the long run.
Good Luck!
– Vivi
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