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Dear Worrier,
I Mean No Disrespect to Your Culture
I must admit that I am perplexed as to how to respond to your situation.
On the one hand, I feel very strongly about having the freedom to
love whomever you choose, but on the other, I don't want to disrespect
a culture which may not share in the same values about romance and
how parents factor into the situation.
That said, I offer you my perspective and ask that you keep in
mind that it comes from the other side of the globe.
Parents Need To Let Children Make Mistakes
Parents are important people in our lives. They bring you into
the world, raise you, educate you... to your parents, you're a work
of art 23 years in the making, and so it's understandable that they
would want to protect you from making unwise choices that could
have long-term consequences. But at some point, I believe parents
need to loosen the reigns and allow their children to make their
own choices, engineer their own successes, and even make their own
mistakes, especially with matters of the heart.
Being in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world, and no
one should be able to take that away from you. I think your concerns
are very valid: you don't want to lose this guy because there is
a spark between you... you don't want to move on and always regret
what could have been.
Write Them a Letter
Given your parents' tendency to get very agitated when discussing
this issue, I would suggest that you write them a letter explaining
your feelings. That way, you can get your thoughts out all at once,
uninterrupted by rebuttals that can confuse the issue.
Express to your parents your love and concern for them, and recognize
that they have helped to shape you into the woman you are today.
Acknowledge that this is an upsetting situation for them, and for
you as well. Laying all of that on the table often has a calming
effect.
Then, explain to them your feelings, tell them what you told us,
that you feel that love should have no boundaries, and tell them
that you don't want to throw these feelings away and live with regret
about what could of been. Ask them for their understanding.
Love is Not Rational
There are many ways for your parents to rationalize why this relationship
is not acceptable: he eats meat, he's not an engineer, etc. But
love is anything but rational.
I sincerely hope that you and your parents will be able to come
to some mutual understanding, and that they will give your heart
the freedom to love.
– Shaggy
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