Dear Confused,

You Want Something Different Now

I don't think the problem is that you are too different. I think that, for whatever reason, you want something different than you did when the relationship started.

From what I understand, things were going along fine for the first year. Then something happened, and you wanted to change things about him – his wardrobe, social skills, and manners. Basically, you wanted to give his personality a makeover.

He's Offended, Hurt and Confused at the Sudden Change

I think you have to try to understand that he is probably offended, hurt and confused. Why, after a year, did things suddenly change? This is the question you have to answer for yourself.

You Want a Different Kind of Guy for your Husband

Perhaps you felt like your first year with him was more of a casual relationship. Maybe things are getting more serious now, and you are considering a long-term partnership with this man. Are you thinking things like, "I always imagined my husband would be more of a cultured/refined/museum- going/wine aficionado"?

If that is what you are thinking, you are certainly entitled to your opinion. But the thing is, you can't do a personality makeover on him. You can't expect him to change fundamental things about how he is.

Ask Yourself What You Really Want

If you want to be with another kind of person, that's fine. But you're going to have to start from scratch. Don't try to mold this guy into your image of an ideal husband. And maybe you should consider what you really want in your partner – I would say "kind" and "deep" would be more important to me than "refined."

– Gillian