Dear Maitri,

I, for one, am not in that fortunate or unfortunate place (a matter of how you look at the subject).

I Didn't Look Back

I can tell you that I was divorced and never looked back, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me and what was the results of this extremely emotionally charged situation. I can give you some hints to help you move forward, either back to the broken up relationship to try and make it a success, or to move forward in a new relationship and work on making it a success.

After the divorce, I was an emotional cripple, and the sexual side of life was just about as screwed up as you can get, both situations playing off of each other to make life ever so "grand." My feelings about women were not, to say the least, very forgiving.

A "4-F" Relationship

An old friend (female) who had a yen for me, and I for her told me that she was of the 4-F variety (find 'em, feel 'em, f*** 'em and forget 'em) and that if I wished, as she did, to have a relationship where we did just that, no strings attached, we could move on.

Three months of it and we tired of each other and moved on, but as friends, not enemies. That was a first for me, leaving a relationship by mutual consent and walking away friends.

My Self Rediscovery

I agree. Being alone taught me how to be a whole person.

For the next two and a half years, I set out alone on a journey of self rediscovery. Finding out what was good and bad, right and wrong for me. Celibate and raising a young male child who needed his father, not some raspy old whoremonger.

Learned and relearned about myself. Learned to cook, clean house, sew and raise children. Learned most of all that what I had been taught all my life was wrong. Learned that I needed not a woman in my life, to care and do for me, but instead that I wanted a woman in my life who would compliment my life, and I hers, not just a career and a doer.

I Gave Up Looking

I could do all the "women's work" except make babies, and yet I still wanted someone to share life with, as equals. The next couple three years were spent in training, in relationships that didn't work out, but nonetheless taught me about what I needed and didn't need to make a relationship a success. All of these "failed" relationships ended on friendly terms, much to my amazement at the time. Felt I was going to be single for the rest of my life, so I gave up, gave in and stopped looking for, longing for "her."

Accepted life the way it was, and somewhere out of the blue it happened.

The woman who was closest to what I – and she to me – needed. Not a perfect match (and there never will be), and we are still together today almost seven years later.

Now to you.

You Must Be Willing To Make a Big Change

Have you looked at your part in what made the relationship go bad? Do you even know what you want, and don't want in a relationship? Are you open to change and compromise, sometimes on a grand scale?

I agree – I had to realize that it was my fault as much as his.

To go back and fix a relationship that has failed will require all of the above things on your part.

To move forward to a new and successful relationship will also require the same. No getting out of it.

Life is what you make of it, and if all you make of it is one-sided, you are doomed to fail right from the get go.

Counseling, God, whatever it takes, – I assure you that the journey is well worth the price of admission.

– Survivor