Dear DUS,

There is a distinct difference between being alone and being lonely. I think you've confused the two.

You're Alone

I wouldn't assume she has friends.

You are alone. You seem to have friends, relationships of other kinds, activities and such. But, it seems, too, that you do not enjoy these things fully, not having a partner. Many times it is just having that "other person" to "share" good times with that seems to make them better.

You're Not Lonely

Loneliness is a feeling of desperation, alienation from other people. I don't think that the lifestyle you've described fits into this category.

You just want companionship – someone to share your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams with. And, yes, it sounds like that old biological clock is ticking and telling you that the time has come to fish or cut bait on having a family.

The need for another person in our life gets stronger, as we get older. As we get older, we are not as brave or self-assured, as we were when we were younger. We tend to take less chances and are less daring. As we get older, we see many of our friends marry and get involved with their families. Many of these dear friends drift from us as single people.

As we get older, too, we start to think more about friends and family and hold them more dear, probably because we think that the many "chances" we had for meeting new friends and developing good relationships with our parents and siblings become fewer.

Take Charge and Meet People

My advice would be to stop looking at life from the outside and wishing "why can't I" and start taking charge of your life.

She shouldn't try to meet men until she fixes herself.

If you have a sincere desire to meet people and develop a possible long-term relationship, there are many singles groups, church groups and such that can be tried. If you're feeling really daring, why not place a personal ad with a reputable dating service? Ask your friends to "fix you up" with their friends and aquaintances.

Think about going back to school or night school and take some courses. You'll not only meet people, but you'll meet people who have common interests. Travel, if your budget will allow.

Develop Other Inter-personal Relationships

While you await that special relationship with that special person, develop other inter-personal relationships. Volunteer at a local hospital or nursing home. Become a Big Sister to a child who needs a mentor. Adopt a pet. Pets are wonderful for making some feel less lonely and provides them with a channel for the love they have to share.

Loneliness Stems from Depression

I disagree. Loneliness is real.

Loneliness is a symptom which may stem from depression, which is now curable with diagnosis and treatment. Being alone is a state of mind that can be altered by taking charge of the situation and changing it.

It seems that you have been searching for love (in all the wrong places), as the song says. Stop. Once you stop consciously looking for love, it may just find you.

Don't Call Yourself a "Dried Up Spinster"

In the meantime, start working on loving yourself. You can start by not referring to yourself as "a dried up spinster"! If you truly love the person you are , then and only then will you have something of true value to share with another person. There is nothing more beautiful or more attractive than a woman with strong self-esteem.

Hope this helps and hang in there.

We've all been alone at times in our lives. Enjoy it while you can. Once you finally meet someone, fill your social calendar and have a family, you'll be longing for time to be alone!

– KP