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Dear Confused,
I want to congratulate you for being OK with never having had a
boyfriend. Like you, I had not had a serious relationship when I
was seventeen and it was shortly after that when Justin fell into
my lap. I got a new job, met this new boy, and all of a sudden things
just fell into place.
Figure Out What You Want
I can identify with what you mean when you say that you have experienced
times when you are unsure about what a guy wants. Guys have this
same problem with girls.
I'm wondering if you know what you want, too? I would say that
that is the first step – figuring out if you are interested
in getting involved in a relationship. Once you have determined
that, you are on your way to figuring out the rest.
What Guys Have in Mind
When a guy approaches you, he usually has one of two things in
mind.
- He wants to meet you and is genuinely interested in getting
to know you and find things out about you, OR
- he just wants to see if he can get a sign from you that you
may be interested too.
Often this is a game or a competition between guys which can lead
to your feelings getting hurt.
Call Him on It
I used to flirt back and see where things went. If it seemed as
if the guy was just messing around, I would get to the point where
I would call him on it or just walk away.
Sometimes, a guy that is interested in you may not be appealing
to you – don't lead those guys on.
They Hang Around You
Usually if someone genuinely likes you, they begin to pay more
attention to you and spend their time, at a party for example, with
you and around you. They often make the effort to be in the same
places and hang around some of the same people as you do. Some guys
are even bold enough to approach your friends to get an idea about
what you think of them.
They Fidget, Mumble, or Blush
Those guys who are more shy or less experienced may have a harder
time, but often this is the easiest type of guy to figure out. He
probably gets a bit nervous and fidgety around you and may even
sometimes mumble or blush around you.
Go for It
If you find that you are attracted to a guy, I would recommend
going for it even if he hasn't directly expressed interest in you
first. While this is toying with the idea that you may face rejection,
it is worth it because sometimes you have to take risks to get what
you want. Being honest, open, and up front, with people is the best
way to ensure that there are no mixed messages and that your intentions
are also made clear from the start.
LIkewise, if you find that you are being pursued by a guy that
you are not interested in, be honest and tell him. Just as you would
rather know sooner than later, so would he.
A Different Guy Every Weekend
At your age, I admire you for not stressing over having a boyfriend.
You are still young and there are so many opportunities waiting
to be had. There is no reason why you shoudln't be able to date
a different guy every weekend until you meet someone who seems appealing
and worth your time and devotion. Take it easy, relax and enjoy
this time in your life.
– Foxy
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