Dear Panel,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost
a year. We've spent about half of it apart because he's going
to school in a different state.
We haven't had sex, although we've been really
close.
A few weeks into our relationship, we discussed
past sexual experiences. He has had one.
My boyfriend doesn't know it, but I know his
ex-girlfriend. She has a well-earned reputation for being
a slut and a cheater, and has been with tons of guys. (My
boyfriend is originally from another state and had no idea.
In fact, she told him she was a virgin. I almost died when
I heard that.)
At the time we had the talk, my boyfriend was
really upset, so I dropped the subject.
We've fooled around a lot, and from some of
the comments my boyfriend made LATER, I think he doesn't like
using protection, i.e. condoms. (She was on the Pill and he
thought she was a virgin. He thought he had nothing to worry
about.) It makes me sick thinking about it. I had no clue.
What it all comes down to is this: I want him
to get tested for STDs, but I don't know how to bring it up.
My boyfriend will be visiting me in a couple
of weeks.
Should I:
When I ask, how should I go about doing it?
I know he'll be very uncomfortable and upset. If I bring up
the ex-girlfriend, he'll think I was spying. I wasn't, I just
knew beforehand and didn't want to hurt him. He would be horrified
if he knew that she was like that.
I know I should have asked in the beginning,
but he was just SO UPSET and I couldn't bring myself to do
it. Now, it's kind of late into the relationship to bring
this up, but I have to.
I thought about saying, "You've always
used condoms in the past, right?" Just asking from left
field. What do you think? Do you have any better ideas?
Thanks!
Female, age 19, Florida
Mel,
Lani, and
Bailey
answer this question.
