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Virginia,
You Have Reason To Be Nervous
I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like you have a reason to
be nervous, if only for the fact that you have this paranoia.
It really sounds like the book was never actually closed on that
relationship. Especially if I understand you correctly and YOU are
the only reason he does not see this girl again.
Tell Him How You Feel
First off, you need to talk about this with him. Tell him how you
feel, and that you would feel a lot better knowing how he felt.
If you don't hash this out now, it will eat at you until your relationship
suffers for it. Trust me on this one.
Tell Him To Have Lunch with Her
You may have to just dive right in and tell him to have lunch with
her. Tell him to take a picture of you with him and introduce his
ex to his new life. This will (hopefully) serve several purposes:
- Whatever curiosity about her he has will be satiated, he won't
sit there wondering "What if?"
- You give HIM the opportunity to be a man and face up to his
past.
- He gets closure from what sounds like a distressing break up.
- You KNOW what's going on, you're not worried about some behind-the-back
meeting between the two.
- She will understand that he is serious about his life with you.
Now this of course could all backfire, but even if it does and
they get back together, understand that it would have happened regardless
and it is far better to know now than later.
Bring It in the Open
All in all, you do not want to stimulate an environment of fear.
He's feeling like he has to do things behind your back because he
is afraid of your reaction.
Make no mistake; he wants to see her, but probably not for the
reasons you think. Closure is a very strong thing, and when we don't
get it, we can feel incomplete. Hell, he may even need to see her
to tell her off.
But whatever happens, open up the communication lines on the subject.
Let him know you trust him, and that you empathize with how he feels.
Get this out of your relationship now, before it festers into something
worse.
– Saibhin
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