Dear C-Phobe;

Let's start from the beginning and work through.

Truth Is Good

First up, truth is good. Truth is the way to go.

Communication is the bedrock of any relationship and starting off by lying about something usually ensures it won't go far.

But don't tell them at first .

I appreciate that you're worried girls will avoid you like the plague if they find out about your chequered history, but if you are sincere about wanting to change, and express that, I'd hope that a girl who's really interested in you would give you a chance. If you lied to her about it, and she then found out, from your bar buddies or wherever, that you're a notorious flirt, that would really poison things!

So, you've found a girl, things are going OK, and then, maybe three months in – In your own words: "I always seem to think that I'm missing out on something better and find myself flirting with other girls at the bar."

So, you think you're missing out on 'something better'. But you're going out with someone! What's wrong with her? Why'd you go out with her in the first place? You must have thought she was OK then, surely? What's she missing now that makes you want to dash off and find some other woman to flirt with?

Expecting Too Much Causes Difficulties

It's not about expecting too much – he's dating the wrong girls.

You've told us that you want to find that special girl and settle down'. That special girl might be Ms. Right, but probably won't be Ms. Perfect-in-every-way. Perfection isn't usually attainable, and if you're expecting your girl to be Betty Crocker, Mother Teresa, Madonna and Jenna Jameson all rolled into one, that's likely causing difficulties.

I think you need to consider what it is that sets you off flirting with someone else. Maybe, and since you announce yourself as a commitment-phobe this could be it, you feel the girl is getting too heavy, too attached. But hang on! You told us you wanted to settle down! If you're honest about that, hopefully you were looking forward to things getting serious, not trying to escape from it. What's changed?

Scared of Settling Down

He's not scared. He just won't settle for anyone.

Maybe you're just scared, even though you genuinely want that picket fence and happy settled family thing. I feel like this sometimes. If this is it, when you feel yourself getting that urge to chat up someone else, remind yourself of the things you were first attracted to in your girlfriend, and of the hopes you have for the future.

Make an Effort Not To Hurt Her

Why bother? Playing the field is fine.

Do you care about your girlfriend enough to make an effort not to hurt her, and to keep things going? Of course, if you happen to feel that you two have honestly reached wherever you were going, then I'm sure you know that finding someone else to chat up isn't the way to tell her she's dumped.

Three Months Is Too Early To Know

I disagree. After a couple months, he should know when to move on.

To finish up, if you're breaking things off at three months, that's mostly too early to really know whether you want to settle down with her. Give it a chance! I think this is going to take effort, but there's not some kind of invisible force compelling you to chat up other women. You have willpower. Remind yourself that your current relationship could get even better, and think about why you want it to.

And be honest, always.

– Elsie