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Dear C-Phobe,
Your dilemma seems to me to stem from two possibilities, each of
which may be acting alone, but are probably acting in concert.
Possible Problem 1:
The Wrong Girls
You're dating the wrong type of girls, ones that may have some
quality or another that you find attractive, but one whose charms
are quickly eroded by spending time with one another. For instance,
it's really exciting at first to date a girl with an incredible
body, but if that's all she has, sooner or later (usually sooner),
that novelty and excitement wears thin, and being around each other
gets old fast.
Maybe you need to step back, take a look at what you're still
longing for at the END of a relationship – not what you're
lusting for at the beginning – take stock of those values,
and seek those qualities in the next person you date.
Possible Problem 2:
You've Convinced Yourself Can't Commit
You actually are afraid of making a commitment, or at least you've
convinced yourself a priori that you lack the capacity to commit,
and this is jinxing you at the outset of every relationship. I would
bet that you actually DO have the capacity to commit, but you've
found yourself so unfulfilled in relationships past that you are
starting to think that it actually is a problem with you.
Thinking that the grass is greener is a very common thought, even
among perfectly happy guys. It's when thoughts like those take such
prominence in your mind that you begin to get really antsy that
you should probably take heed of that voice, and realize that it's
your conscience trying to tell you that this just isn't "it."
You Won't Settle for Just Anybody
No, you're not afraid to commit, you're simply not willing to settle
for just anybody.
I think the above phrase has a lot of potential for utility in
your life. Whenever you get discouraged about not being able to
find someone you can truly commit to, tell yourself that you're
just not willing to settle.
Tell Them You Won't Settle
And if a girl ever asks you if you're looking for something serious,
tell her that you're not willing to simply settle for just anybody.
It'll kill a few birds with one stone: it'll be an honest response,
but not one that is discouraging; and, it will remove the burden
you place upon yourself to make up your mind about someone so quickly,
and allow you to simply immerse yourself in the wonderful process
of getting to know someone else.
Good luck!
– Shaggy
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