Hello Louise!

What a good question!!

It sounds like things are really confusing for you right now. I want to address a few issues that you bring up in your question to hopefully come up with something helpful to you.

There's No "Love at First Sight"

First of all, there is no such thing as "love at first sight" or, as your guy calls it, "immediate intense feeling". Sounds like the same thing to me – infatuation. While it is important early on in a relationship (you should be attracted to each other), it is not "love". It is attraction and infatuation. This is why people date, etc.

Real Love Takes Work

What sustains a relationship after this phase of "lovey", as you call it, takes more than attraction. You need to communicate, compromise, and work together, it is not always fun and exciting, but that is what real love is – work.

People Make Rash Decisions During Crises

So you had a chat with him after the tragedies. I know that in times of crises, people reevaluate their lives and "clean house", as you say. But also, in these times, people's emotions are heightened and we tend to make rash decisions. I think that may be what started your little breakup with him. You started getting to the end of the "lovey" in the relationship and you may have panicked. I hope these discussions that you had with him were not enough to jeopardize your relationship.

Give It a Chance

She has given it a chance. She should know if she loves him after four months!

I think that you, rather than he, need to slow down and maybe eat your words a bit to save face. If you care so much about him, like you say you do, and he seems to care about you, give it a chance. You need to call him up, ask to talk, and say that you may have acted out and you'd rather talk honestly about the relationship – tell him what you told us. That you know you care about him and that you want to make it work, but that things always change and become kinda dull.

He's Not a Keeper If He Won't Give It Time

If everyone relied on that "intense feeling" all the time in relationships, there would be lots of lonely, confused people. Don't be one of them – realize that love takes time and work. If he agrees, keep him. If he doesn't, he's not ready and he's not a keeper.

Good luck!

And PS:

No more house cleaning when big things happen. Take a deep breath before you act!

– Kalia