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Dear Shyann,
Yes, But Don't Rush It
Yes, ask him, just don't rush the relationship's development.
Dating doesn't mean your frienship morphs into some crazed Sid
and Nancy obsession, although that scenario happens. Going from
friendship to romance shouldn't be such a giant leap.
It is simply deepening the friendship and adding some terrific
benefits. It doesn't mean the same rules of friendship i.e. listening,
caring, talking freely, understanding the other's point of view,
having a good time together, don't apply anymore. If anything, they
should become amplified as the relationship grows.
He's shy and shy guys are sometimes frustrating for some girls.
At least, that's what I've been told. But do get discouraged if
you really want to be with him.
He May Have Been Hurt Before
It also sounds like he's been hurt or at least disappointed before,
which can be utterly devastating if you are shy and a bit unsure
of yourself. You obviously care about him, so don't give up, Shyann!
That is certainly easier said than done since I'm not in your spot.
But make the move, be yourself, exercise patience in the relationship
and see what fate has in store for you.
He's definitely interested in you. He's sensitive to others if
he's worried that too much talking messes up a friendship. You see,
the shy boy doesn't want to get hurt the first time, let alone again.
He Wonders If He's Enough for You
He worries that what he holds sacred and important isn't shared
by the majority of the world. And usually, it isn't. He wonders
if the best he is can be enough for someone else, or himself.
There's this breach, sort of like a space between words in a sentence,
that keeps him from leaping blindly to the next word without some
introspection. Especially if that word is a scary one like romance,
passion, or breathalyzer.
Seriously, he wants to be enough for someone like you. It's challenging
to date someone like this but the rewards can be worth it.
Focus on the Innocent Things
Focus on the innocent things right now: Talking to him, taking
a walk through the park where you work, holding hands (a vastly
underrated form of intimacy) and just being together. Those small
things are the concrete. Building on them will strengthen your relationship
whether or not it ever becomes a full-blown love affair. And I'm
hoping it does for both of you.
That is my two cents and I hope they are helpful.
– Tommy D
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