Dear Panel,

I am in my late 20s, working in a professional position overseas (in the U.K.).

I met him (actually he found me) randomly while chatting on the Internet. He's also a professional around the same age also living overseas – but on the other side of the world – in Asia.

We've spent almost a year chatting to each other. Almost every day, for hours on end. It was always absolutely polite with no sexual innuendo. But our discussion was extremely intense and I felt that we understood each other well.

I went and visited him for a while. My intuition proved correct, we got along extremely well. I'm back now. And I realise I love him, though I can't say it because of fear of his response. I can cope with being apart from him. Those kinds of problems can be solved.

There's a far more critical issue. I'm terminally ill, and he doesn't know. I don't appear to be ill, but I could die next week, or next year, it's not certain.

I wonder, am I being exceedingly selfish by wanting to love this person and be loved – but then inevitably cause them pain? Should I tell him I'm dying, and face the consequences (of perhaps him deciding not to have anything to do with me anymore)..?

Do I have a right to try and build a relationship when I am dying?

Female, age 27, UK

Aaron, Sistergirl, Luka, and Charlie answer this question.