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Dear Chrissy,
Past Time for Avoiding the Issue
I know what it's like to be depressed. I know what it's
like to want to kill yourself. And I myself am a co-dependent.
I am lucky now to be in a wonderful relationship, but I refused
to see the irreconcilable problems in my past ones until I
was the dumpee. Based on this, I'm going to give you your
answers flat-out – now is past the time for tiptoeing
around the issue.
Divorce Him
Please leave this marriage. For the sake of your happiness,
get out now. This man is treating you horribly and every moment
you waste by continuing to be married to him is one that you
could be using to instead heal from his abuse, learning to
love yourself, and moving on.
He Wants Nothing To Do with You
Your husband has given you every indication that he wants
nothing to do with you. Unless there are extenuating circumstances
that warrant a living situation that you haven't mentioned,
it is not normal that your husband has not seen you in a month
and a half. You said it yourself – he won't even pick
up the phone when he sees it's you on the other end.
I won't even go into an analysis of his character and the
horrible power he has over you, because the most important
thing is that you get help immediately.
He's Not Capable of a Meaningful Relationship
Try to understand that some people are not capable of real,
meaningful relationships even if their partners are truly
wonderful people. What you need to do now is realize that
you have been clinging to your husband for the sole reason
that you need to hang on. This is not uncommon. These problems
do not mean that there is no hope for you – only that
there is no hope for this relationship. As soon as you can
convince yourself that that is a GOOD thing, you'll be on
the road to recovery.
Get Therapy
Please, please, please, please seek professional help from
a therapist. You obviously know that there is something wrong
here or you would not have written to us. This is a WONDERFUL
first step.
The conditions of your marriage are in fact appalling and
you need to learn to obtain enough confidence and self-worth
to really want to remedy the situation. During times you feel
weak, solicit the support of any close family members or friends
who know the reality of your situation and will support your
happiness above anything.
An Unsolvable Problem
Don't listen for one moment to anyone who tries to tell you
to stay married to a man who very clearly cheats on you and
tries to avoid you at all costs. There is no sense killing
yourself emotionally trying to fix an unsolvable problem when
you can have the opportunity to find someone who will love
you in return.
Please keep us updated on your progress. I wish you the best
of luck and hope that you can find the strength to love yourself
and to fight for what you deserve.
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