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Dear Apsara,
Don't Feel Pressured by Time
First of all, please don't feel that you are pressured for time.
I'm sure you hear this all the time, but you are so young and have
plenty of time for children.
I completely understand your desire for children. I myself am
21 years old and have a beautiful daughter of my own. I felt/feel
the same as you, that I am ready to focus my life on raising a child
in this world. I know that it is fully possible for you to be ready
for a child, but you also aren't in any danger of running out of
childbearing years.
There are two things, however, that concern me with what you wrote:
He Is Not Divorced
First of all, your current boyfriend, you said, is "legally
separated," which leads me to believe he is not actually divorced.
That technical seperation is a very key and important thing that
needs to happen both legally and emotionally, before he should begin
any other major commitments with yourself, such as having a child.
Marriage Before Children
And number two – I know I may sound old fashioned –
but I belive that it is best for two people to be married before
having children, not the other way around. It is important for children
to grow up in a loving environment, with both parents living together
peacefully (if at all possible). One of the best ways to pave the
path for this type of life together is to focus first of all on
developing a friendship with your significant other. Once you have
a frienship, it makes for much less stress in the future when children
and other possible events arrive.
If I were you, I would sit down with your beau and ask him directly
for his viewpoint on the subject, both positive and negative. Try
not to pressure him. The last thing you want is to have him give
in to having a child under pressure, because this could cause grounds
for resentment in the future.
A child is a wonderful and blessed thing that two people should
enjoy together in love. If one partner is not enjoying it, it could
cause major heartache for three people in the future – your
child included.
He Won't Commit
If he still seems to be beating around the bush, I would start
thinking about other options. It seems like he's a little commitment-shy,
even when it comes to the commitment of ending a relationship (his
marriage).
Good luck, and remember, have patience! Good things come to those
who wait!
– Karrie
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