Answers:

Dear Tanya,

Your boyfriend, I'm sorry to say, is a classic male. Men like to date girls who "fool around". They like to marry women who do not. It's illogical. It's not fair. It's stupid. But then, hey, so are most men.

His Double Standard

David seems to be suffering from a bad case of double standards as well. He seems to think that it is okay for him to have had 25 partners (How old is this guy anyway?) but not for you to have ever seen anyone else. That isn't fair.

You're right. You can't change the past. The best you can hope for is to change the future. Do you really want to be with a guy who occasionally "flips out" and treats you so disrespectfully? Think about this.

You're Seeing His Best Behavior

Damn right! Things will only get worse.

During the dating phase, most men are on their best behavior. What you are seeing from David is likely his best side.

I don't think this is the behavior of a "classic male".

Given the history you describe and the behaviors that you describe, I wouldn't be at all surprised if David's verbal abuse eventually escalates to physical abuse.

You don't want to be there for that. You are already afraid of him. Listen to your gut.

I don't know exactly what is going on in David's head.

Maybe he had sex with you as a way of getting back at the girl he lost his virginity to. Maybe he has fallen in love with this Erin girl and you are just a fill-in for him. Maybe he is recreating the relationship that he saw between his parents.

It Doesn't Matter Why He's Screwed Up

It doesn't really matter why he is "kinda screwed up". David needs some time to get himself figured out. You need to move on.

You're Not A Slut

No. She IS a slut.

Let go of David. Don't feel guilty about your past. You aren't a whore or a slut just because you had sex one time with a guy that you thought you loved. You were simply naive and you are not the only one this has happened to.

Try To Be the Marrying Kind

However, you should put some thought in to how you want to proceed in future relationships. Do you want to be the girl that guys date and sleep with, or do you want to be the "marrying kind"? In your next relationship, be honest about your past and also share your regrets and plans to change.

Any reasonable man will understand and will not hold it against you. If he doesn't, move on.

– Jody

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