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Dear Struggling,
Take a deep breath, girl. This isn't an easy place your in. Let's
start with the emotionally cheating part.
Most women do not have a problem with their man hanging out with
other women. One of my boyfriend's best friends is female. I don't
have a problem with this, she's a very nice person. However, if
he started ditching out on me to go hang with her without prior
warning, or breaking a date we had, I would seriously start to wonder
"What the heck is going on here?"
He's Cheating on You
So, yes, he has been cheating on you, emotionally or not. (If you're
calling that emotional cheating, most women would also agree that
men could cheat on you with other men.) I would say that you have
been cheated on. Cheated doesn't necessarily mean that he has slept
with her. He's "dating" her in a sense, and you're being
played.
There's Nothing You Can Do
Now, here's the bad news. He doesn't want to save your marriage.
No matter how much you beg and cajole and ask and hint that you
want to save this, he is just not interested in it anymore. If he
says that he loves you but is not in love with you, that's a big
hint that he wants out and in a big way.
I'm not going to tell you whether you're right or wrong to believe
that he hasn't slept with this other woman, but he's just not interested
in your marriage. Sorry.
He Hasn't Matured
I do understand that you don't want to give this up. Keep in mind
that you married young, very young, and I don't think that your
husband has completely matured. I have a theory that about the time
guys are 27 they realize that they are going to be 30 soon, and
perhaps it's time to grow up. Just a theory, though.
I Can't Help Save Your Marriage
I am afraid that there is no advice that I can give you that would
help to save your marriage. You have given him the separation that
he wants, meanwhile he's still sleeping on your couch and until
recently, you were still being intimate with him. This is the proverbial
having your cake and
eating it too.
He Doesn't Love You Anymore
I think that the main thing here is not whether he loves her or
not, but if he loves you the way that you want. And I don't think
that he does anymore. Every marriage goes from being in love to
loving. It's a natural progression. However, I don't think that
this is true for him right now in your relationship. He has found
a new thing in his life, and he would rather be with her.
Tell Him To Get Out
Tell him to get his butt off your couch and out the door. It won't
be easy, since I get the sense that you really do love him, but
as a character in a movie once said, "It's not easy to stop
loving someone just because you ought to."
Remember, you're 23. You have a lifetime ahead of you.
Love and Peace,
– Jennae
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