Dear Struggling,

It's Not Fair

Don't beat around the bush. He's CHEATING on her.

What your husband has done to you with this other woman is not fair to you. A marriage is a partnership based on love, trust and respect for each other. By giving of his time and his emotions to another women while knowing it hurts you is not right. The fact that you and he have had a discussion about her and you have asked him to change the nature of the relationship shows how much it hurts you.

It is fine and healthy for both persons within a marriage to have friends and separate interests. But when another person in your partner's life starts to rank higher in importance over you, then you have a problem. This is especially a problem in your case since your husband says he is no longer in love with you.

Too Late

Although I know it is hard to accept and is deeply hurtful, your husband has told you what he wants and how he feels. He has said no longer feels the same way about you and that it is too late to rebuild the marriage.

Unfortunately, as much as you may want to, you cannot rebuild a relationship when one partner is not fully committed to doing so. Trying to make it work when separation is what he really wants will just breed more resentment between the two of you.

An Amicable Divorce

As hard as it is to accept, it is time to move on. You should stop being intimate with him and ask him kindly to move off the couch and stay in a hotel until he finds a new place. Or, you should move out youself and start to look for a new place. Sell the house and start proceedings for a divorce. Hopefully, since you two still care about each other on some level, it will be an amicable one. You should do this all as quickly as possible so you can both start the process of moving on. Healing from a divorce takes a lot of time.

I know that you are reading this and thinking "No! I really want to try to make this work. I love him so much. I know we can get back what we used to have." But, I am sorry to tell you, things don't always work out the way you want them to. You deserve to be happy and to be with someone that loves you with all his heart.

Unfortunately, your husband has made it clear that he is not that person. Hopefully, you will find that person someday. Good luck.

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