Dear Anonymous Consultant,

Loss of sex drive after a child is not uncommon in women and even men.

Sex Is a Selfish Act

If you both liked and wanted sex everyday, why didn't you hold off on kids for a few years? Sex is a tremendously selfish act. Oh, I know it's loving, giving, making love with your soul mate, blah, blah, blah. But face it, sex means there's something REALLY good about to happen to your person.

There's nothing wrong with those feelings, BUT having a child means you must think about someone else's needs other than yourself, almost all the time. That's what it is to be an effective parent. Surely you both entertained that concept before hand?

You've Made Sex Trivial

There's a lot more going on with her beyond not wanting sex. If her focus is on raising the daughter and keeping the family strong, fine. You are doing the 80 hour work week thing and she supports that. You're obviously a hard worker who wants to support his family and see them often. That's good. But if you've both made that a priority, it's not surprising that sex has become trivial.

Spend More Time Together

How much do you communicate when you aren't working?

I agree. He has to choose work or home.

Sex is very important in a marriage because it validates desire and want. However, the process of sex takes time and doesn't begin just the act happens. I don't think either of you are spending the time you need together to smooth the path for desire.

Agree to Marriage Counseling

You both need to find and agree to marriage counseling and perhaps even sexual counseling. I think the forest is blocking both of you from seeing the trees. Something is not being communicated and not just "let's get it on". A third party could help find out what expectations you both have.

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