Tess,

You tell us that you "both want to make this a good long-term relationship." But at the same time, you feel insecure because he won't tell you how he feels.

Knowing What He Wants

The question I have for you is: How do you know that you both want a long term relationship if he won't tell you?

The first thing you need to do is decide which of these is the case: Either

1. you know that you both want a long term relationship, or
2. you want one, you really want him to want one as well, but you truthfully don't know what he wants.

(You do not need his input to answer this question – either you know how he feels because he has told you, or you don't know because he hasn't.) In other words, don't mislead yourself.

You Need A Boyfriend to Feel Secure

Right. She needs to focus more on HERSELF.

You two have known each other for three years, during which time you each have had children with other people. Your son is five months old, and you've been dating this guy for four months. How long were you home from the hospital before you got together with this guy? I'm concerned that you are more concerned with finding somebody – anybody – so that you're not alone with a baby. That is not healthy for you, your son, or the guy, for that matter.

It's Only Been A Few Months

Considering the time factors involved here, it's too early to press him on this relationship.

I disagree. She should go WITH him to see a counselor.

Before you go chasing some relationship which may or may not be real, you should spend some time with a therapist so that you can sort through these issues with a professional. I guarantee you'll feel better about yourself, which may lead you to see the situation in a whole new light.

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