Dear panel.

I am twenty years old and completely confused about EVERYTHING. I have this huge problem, and it's driving me insane.

I Push People Away

I love the chase of a relationship, but after I am in it, and things settle down, I find myself bored. For some reason, I also push people that get close to me away. Like when my boyfriend tries to hold my hand in a public place, I sometimes drop it.

I Lie About Being Available

I also have, in the past, lied and said I was single – and then realized it later and felt horrible for doing so.

Adam Cares About Me

Adam is a wonderful guy. He kept most of his emotions bottled up, but after being able to talk to me, he started opening up. Actually, he has completely opened up, and even expresses himself now. He says the sweetest things, and always lets me know he cares about me.

Josh Thinks I'm the Most Beautiful

Josh is full of life and energy. He cares so much about everyone else – especially me. He always calls me "the most beautiful girl in the world."

I Confuse Harold and Adam

Harold and I are almost exactly the same. I sometimes get confused with my feelings for Harold and my feelings for Adam. I think I am in love with both of them.

Luke Is Sensitive

Luke is more sensitive, and very defensive. I go out of my way to keep him happy. He has also opened up to me a lot.

All four guys take AWESOME care of me, but it's turning into a "There's Something About Mary" situation.

All Four Helped Me After My Breakup

I have been hurt a lot in past relationships, and actually my first year of college my boyfriend of 3 years (and best friend for 16 years) broke things off with me and is telling everyone lies about me (he insists I cheated on him, which I never did.) He emotionally abused me a lot,and I was really low and depressed, until last semester when I met the four most amazing guys ever (Adam, Josh, Harold, and Luke), and they all became my best friends and pulled me out of my depression.

The problem is that they ALL want to date me, and all tell me that they have feelings for me. I care about them all immensely, and for some reason I am terrified of losing any of them. I am attached to all four of them, and feel like I will go crazy if they are not in my life. I love certain things about each and every one of them.

I've Kept Adam a Secret from the Other Three

The beginning of this semester, things started happening with Adam and me. I was so heartbroken and lonely from my past relationship (I was way too attached to him),and I love the chase of things,and the newness, so it was fun for a while. Now I am finding myself his girlfriend (we've kept it secret from the other three guys) and I feel awkward. I think by devoting myself entirely to him, I will lose the other three, or worse yet HURT them. I think I could be in love with Adam, and I accidentally told him this. Which just made things worse, because I think he's about to tell me this weekend (he's dropped clues). I am feeling like I want to break up with him, because for some reason I am all worried about losing the other guys, or the chance to be with them, or getting hurt by him. I know that he will most definitely never talk to me again.

I Don't Want Harold To Date Others

I think I am in love with both Adam and Harold, because I am most scared about losing Harold. I know I will be crushed if he ever starts dating another girl. The same with Adam. What's wrong with me?

And now, I'm so confused about the "love" thing. That is such a powerful word, and I think I do love both of them, but perhaps I shouldn't have told him. Maybe I'm confused about what love is.

And why do I lead so many guys on, and then have a problem admitting I'm in a relationship? What's wrong with me?

I Think About Suicide a Lot

I know I need advice of some sort, because I have been crying myself to sleep every night for the past three weeks, and suicide has crossed my mind so many times, it's scary and ridiculous.

I think it could be a control thing. I think maybe if I control the situations then I won't get hurt. But that could be just total BS.

Please help me!

What should I do? Am I a horrible person for having feelings for more than one guy?

Female, age 20, USA

Mel, Ren, and Jeannie answer this question.