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Dear Confused:
Your Friends Reflect How You Feel About Yourself
Your letter mostly focused on the men in your life and to be honest
with you, I'm not really going to talk about them at all because
I honestly don't think they are important to your real question.
I am a firm believer that the people you surround yourself with
are a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself, and the
more men you bring into your life, the less you are able to deal
with yourself.
Listen to Your Own Words
Before I tell you what I think, I want to show you what I heard
in your message. I pulled out the words from your letter that I
thought were the most meaningful, and took out all reference of
anyone but you and your feelings – just read the words, it's
quite interesting what came out:
- completely confused
- the chase
- bored
- push people away
- I lied
- felt horrible
- confused with my feelings
- take care of me
- been hurt a lot
- emotionally abused
- really low and depressed
- I care
- am terrified
- am attached
- will go crazy
- heartbroken and lonely
- way too attached
- secret
- awkward
- in love
- I want to break up
- worried
- chance
- getting hurt
- never talk to me again
- scared
- crushed
- so confused
- crying myself to sleep
- suicide
- scary
- ridiculous
- a control thing
- I won't get hurt
- horrible person
Deal with YOU First
The most honest thing that I could tell you is that you need to
separate yourself from the men that you have allowed to confuse
your life. It has nothing to do with them – it has to do with
you. I'm sure they are wonderful men, but the issues within yourself
are about how you feel about yourself. Before you could ever hope
to find any happiness with someone else, you have to find happiness
within yourself.
Look at your own words – if you focus on your own feelings,
just you, no one else – you can see the unhappiness inside
yourself.
What you are doing to them is unfair. You know it, or you wouldn't
feel guilty for it. By keeping yourself in this situation, you are
only compounding your belief that you are a horrible person –
and you are hurting them. But mostly, you need to be honest with
them.
True Friends Won't Leave
You need to be honest with YOURSELF first. Admit that you have
put yourself and them in a very unfair situation, and find the best
way out of it. If they are your true friends, they won't leave.
But you have to be willing to face the consequences of your dishonesty.
Own Your Feelings
You have a lot of emotion inside of yourself to deal with. It sounds
like things are churning around inside, confusing your heart and
your mind, and you keep reaching out to people in hopes that someone
you meet will help settle your heart, settle the miring emotions
inside of you.
I truly, truly hope that if you hear anything I have written, you
will hear this: no one else can make you happy. You have to take
control of your own life – you have to take control of your
own emotions and realize that YOU are the only person who can change
them.
You Want One To Make You Happy
You are afraid to let go of these men because one of them might
be the one to change your feelings, and make you happy. I can tell
you honestly that is not going to happen. Not one of them, or any
others that you might attach yourself to, are going to give you
a sense of happiness that you don't have within. YOU have to find
that for yourself.
Four Men Don't Equal Happiness
Right now, it's taking FOUR men in your life to even come close
to giving you the illusion of happiness in yourself – and instead
of making you happy, the situation is only adding to your pain and
your lack of self worth. ONE man cannot make you a happy person;
four men is just a way to add confusion to your life.
Don't Choose Any of Them
Until you realize that you control your life and your own happiness,
you're going to continue spinning in circles. You need to simplify
things, and you the easiest way to do that with all them is not
to choose ANY of them. Choose YOU.
– Jeannie
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