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Totally Confused College Girl,
Well, you couldnt have picked a better name for yourself. You're
confusing even me with your question.
Put Yourself First
It sounds like you are putting these guys' feelings in front of
yours. There's nothing wrong with being selfless, so long as it's
not interfering with your own. If you have actually considered suicide,
then I would say you need to put yourself first.
You Have To Be Honest with Them
The best, but most difficult, thing to do in this situation is
to be honest. Honest with the guys, and honest with yourself. If
you feel something for one and not another, then, tell them so.
They'll Live
If any of these guys are as close to as you think they are, they
ought to understand. Of course they'll be hurt, but they'll live.
Based on what you have said, if you keep this juggling act up, you
may not. Think about this, too.
You consider them your friends. If you told them what you are feeling
and what it is doing to you, they should step up, be men and realize
a friend may be in trouble.
Gain Control
Above all, if you feel as if you have lost control of this situation
– gain control. Be honest with the guys, but more importantly,
be honest with yourself. Not only will you feel tons better, you
may just find your answers much easier than you think.
–
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