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Dear John,
It is true, it seems that some women do get along better with men
than women. I am woman who has one female best friend, and maximum
like 4 close friends. There are some women out there who have literally
dozens of
friends, but none of them particulary close. There are men out there
who have women friends and only one buddy who they hang with like
once a week.
It's Human Nature
Remember this is conjecture on deep rooted psychological questions
that people from Freud to the Dalai Lama have tried to ponder. There
really is no explaination for it. It's the same idea as asking why
one person would go into archeture and another into teaching. It
just is. It's the way we are as humans.
Jealousy Is Natural
As for feeling uncomfortable, that's natural. That's the I-see-other-males-intruding-on-my-space-and-potential-mate
reaction. It's not bad that you feel jealous. Only thing is, these
are her friends.
Develop an Unspoken Understanding
Like I had said to someone else, my boyfriend's best friend is a
woman. I don't have a problem with this. She and I understand each
other.
It's an unspoken thing that women who have a nominal amount of
respect for themselves and others would understand:
- you may be friends with him
- you may be best friends with him
- you may even become good friends with me
but when we enter the potential life-mate ring, this one is MINE,
and you don't come near him.
I don't know if guys have it unspoken. Guys work on a different
psychological level than women, and well, I'm missing the equipment
to understand it. I can harbor a guess that you feel uncomfortable
and withdraw after being around her housemates because you subconsciously
don't know what to do with them.
Are they friends, are they enemies? You also witness your girlfriend
acting like a friend with guys, and differently toward them than
she does toward you.
You Don't Know Each Other That Well Yet
I think that you are more confused and consequently
withdraw into yourself to try and figure it out. They are going
to have more of her time than you because they live in the same
house with her, and you don't. Keep in mind, you haven't been dating
very long, and you aren't to the I-Trust-You-Implicitly stage. You
don't know each other that well, yet.
 Deal
With It
If your girl does indeed seem to have more male friends than female,
you're going to have to deal with that. You're going to have to
get used to the idea that they are her friends; you can make the
best of it with them
though.
Befriend Them, But Stake Your Claim
Befriend them. Make it clear that this is your girlfriend, and
yeah, you can be friends, you can be her housemates, but when you
step up to the potential-life-mate ring, I'm going to bash your
friggin' cajones in if you even think about trying to take her from
me.
She's Odd To Move In With Guys
I am going to end on a Devil's Advocate note here though. Yes,
it is common that many women get along better with guys, but I don't
know many who will share a place with them. Women will go out and
find a roommate of the same
sex instead. I'm glad you trust her, but I find a woman moving in
with two guys a bit on the odd side.
I say let the relationship grow a little bit longer and see what
starts up, cools down, goes away.
Lux et Pax,
– Jennae
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