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Dear John,
Two Types of Guy's Girls
There are two types of "guy's girls" in this world.
The first consists of the women who hang around with guys
in order to get what they know is sexually-oriented attention.
They like the sexually-charged atmosphere that exists when
guys are fawning over them.
Girls Are Encouraged By Stereotypes
The other type generally likes to befriend men due to common
personality traits. These women may often be characterized
as "tomboys" because our society encourages "real"
women to be catty, shallow, overly emotional, needy, self-absorbed,
and self-loathing.
In societies where none of these gender stereotypes are
enforced, I'd think you'd find many more friendships that
cross gender barriers than we are used to seeing.
Jealousy Is Understandable
Now on to your problem. I can understand your jealousy as
I often feel that way toward my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend.
 It's
About Trust
The point is that it's all about trust, and you're right--
if you don't trust her, being in the relationship is not worth
it. There's always going to
be that nagging doubt in the back of your mind.
Here's what I try to tell myself when I get these feelings:
1. It only causes worry and stress to imagine him betraying
my trust. This kind of thinking cannot possibly do good to
my psyche.
2. He has given me no reason whatsoever to believe that he
may not love me or that he may still have feelings for his
ex-girlfriend or any other woman. None.
3. If he were to betray my trust in that way, it does not
benefit me to stay in a relationship with him.
Seek Therapy
The easy pointer to give would be to seek professional therapy
for your jealousy and insecurity problems.
Be Open But Don't Harp
Another tip: Be open with your girlfriend about how you feel,
but if you constantly harp about how her choice of friends
makes you feel uncomfortable, she may decide that she not
so comfortable with YOU.
It looks like this has not yet become a problem for you since
you recognize the jealousy is *your* problem, so hopefully
it won't even be an issue.
Good luck,
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