Dear Lovestruck,

How can you truly love someone that you say you can't trust? Alas, your own insecurities may be preventing you from having a successful relationship.

True Love Is Built on Trust

True love is built on trust and one must be truly secure with themselves and their life partner in order to build a successful long-term relationship.

Talking on the Internet is a pastime that millions of people engage in. It gives us the opportunity to meet new people, male and female, from all
over the world, share our ideas and grow, as individuals.

Chatting Doesn't Mean Cheating

C'mon, this guy's a pervert.

Speaking with a friend or acquaintance on the Internet does not always lead to being "untrue" or "cheating" on your relationship. My husband and I have many friends, both male and female on the Web. It never even crosses my mind that he is doing anything "wrong" nor does it cross his that I am doing anything wrong. Why? Because we trust each other. Why do we trust each other? Simple. Neither of us has never given the other any reason not to.

He Wasn't Honest

In your case, I think the fact that your fiancee was not completely honest with you regarding his "testing of the waters", as you put it, caused your insecurities to kick into overdrive.

If he had been, perhaps you would not feel as distrustful, as you do. I think before taking that next step into marriage, you and your fiancee should talk more openly about matters that concern you both and that have a direct effect on your relatnship together.

He's Keeping the Peace

He obviously wants to make you happy. He'll promise never to chat on the Internet again. But, I believe that he had done that once before. Obviously, he doesn't see anything wrong with chatting on the Net and is just saying what he feels he "needs" to say to keep the peace. Very noble.

Discuss the Issue

We agree. She should talk with him using direct facts.

I think you both need to sit down and honestly discuss the issue and the effect it has had and will continue to have on you both. If you don't, it may fester and become more serious with time.

In my opinion, there are two ways you can go here. If you are truly in love with this guy, show him, by trusting him. Without trust you will have no solid ground on which to build a life together anyway.

If the fact that he corresponds, embalm or talks with members of the opposite sex bothers you so much that you continually have to give him ultimatums and make him "promise" never to do it again, then your chances for a successful relationship with him are slim.

Ultimatums Can Be Positive, or Build Resentment

Ultimatums, in my opinion, can produce one of two results: They can produce immediate positive effect (prompting either a good situation to happen or keeping a bad situation from happening). Or, they can produce a negative
effect which can cause resentment and hurt. This resentment can build into something far more serious than anything that has transpired to date between you and your fiancee

You didn't state that any of his dealings on the Internet had any really "serious" implications, so they are probably innocent and not worth all of
this extra energy you are expending on them. If you actually have "proof" that what he is doing is weakening your relationship, then talk with him about it. If your assumptions are true, then figure out together, what you need to do to rectify the situation.

If you can get past your insecurities and begin to "trust" your fiancee (your soon to be your husband). Trust which he deserves from you until such
time as he proves that he is unworthy of such trust. Then I wish you a long and happy marriage.

If You Don't Trust Him, Seek Professional Help

If you cannot honestly say that you can trust your fiancee in any type of situation that he might be in that may involve others of the opposite sex, sit down and talk it out with him. If you can't come to a happy compromise, then seek professional help together.

Postpone Your Wedding

If all else fails, postpone your wedding until you can come to grips with this issue or whatever the real issue may be that is the underlying problem.

If you can't trust your life partner, you have a serious problem that will either have to be solved with professional help or by ending the relationship. True love is based on trust. If you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing!

Good Luck!

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