Marriage and Living Together Are Not The Same
Not true! Your attitude after LIVING with someone for a year is
not going to be your attitude after being MARRIED to someone for
a year.
Marriage and living together are not the same thing, and your feelings
about each other and the relationship are not going to be the same.
Marriage Is About Commitment
Marriage implies a permanent commitment. It means that you both
recognize your desire to be together and are willing to spend your
lives together putting that to the test.
Living Together Is A Try Out
Living together is a Try Out. And more often than not, it ends
as a definite "out", not an "in." Your commitment
level is different. You aren't in it for the long haul, you are
in it to see "What if."
In essence, living together is like a physical Pre-Nup agreement.
It's a way of saying, I want to be with you, but I'm going to protect
myself first in case this doesn't work out. You've automatically
set yourself for the possibility that it isn't going to work out,
so where is the motivation TO work it out?
You'll End Up With a Roommate, Not a Partner
I have lived with an exboyfriend (twice, actually). Both times
it was like a prequel to any thought of marriage. Marriage wasn't
a consideration - living together was more of a convenience than
anything else. And ultimately, you end up with a roommate who shares
your bed (and sometimes not even that). Not a partner who shares
your life.
I honestly believe that living together with the intention of giving
things a "dry run" first is setting yourself up to fail.
At the first sign of trouble, you'll be much more aware that there
are ways OUT, not ways to make it work.
– Jeannie
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