|
Dear Assessing Compatibility,
Marriage and Living Together Are Completely Different
I think living together is a decision independent of marriage.
When it is right to live together, you will want to for many reasons:
you want to spend more time with each other, you want to share the
responsibilities of a household together, and you will want to make
a "semi-permanent" commitment to each other.
"Semi" because it is easier to break up from a living
together situation but permanent because a household still needs
to be dissolved if a break up should occur, suggesting a high degree
of commitment.
Living Together Isn't a Test
It isn't a test for marriage, it is different than marriage. Being
ready for marriage is a whole different set of desires and commitments.
If you want a publicly recognized commitment, some "faith"
that you will be together forever, and to start a family (not necessarily
with children, marriage itself creates a family) then you are ready
for marriage.
 You're
Not Ready
As you see, these decisions are quite different and living together
isn't a test. Truthfully, from your letter, you don't sound ready
for marriage and you might not be ready to live together.
As far as hands-on experience, while sex is great, I'd be surprised
that a high number of marriages end because of sexual incompatibility.
In a marriage, it is impossible for both partners to ignore a problem
like that - and therapy is widespread enough that there is help
if there is a problem that significant.
She Has a Different Attitude About Sex
That doesn't mean that your attitudes about sex might be different
enough to even prevent you from getting there.
You have very different concepts of sex - she thinks virginity
is something to be cherished and enjoyed; you think sex should be
tried and tested. Does this tension between cherishing/adventure
come up in other areas of your relationship?
You Can't Make Her Into Something She's Not
You obviously can't force her to do something she doesn't want,
so I think you were writing more to justify your side of the arguments.
Instead, I would suggest you look at what you want, with this person,
and make your decisions together based on that.
– Judith
|
