Dear Stephen and Sondra,

I am truly puzzled by Stephen's stance on Valentine's Day. While it is fairly common for people who aren't in love to resent the holiday, it's exceedingly rare for someone who is ostensibly together with the love of his life to have such negative feelings about February 14th.

Did You Marry For Love?

Get real. You can be in love, but not believe in Valentine's Day.

Stephen, I sincerely hope that you married Sondra because you are in love with her, because you have a bond of trust with each other, because the two of you are friends as well as lovers, and because Sondra's happiness and well-being are important to you.

Perhaps I'm being idealistic, but it seems to me that marriage should be based upon such principles.

She's Told You What Would Make Her Happy

Sondra has told us, as she has told you, that once a year, the smallest of gestures on your part would bring her happiness. What's more, she has communicated that your inaction on a day very special to her makes her feel miserable.

You Feel Forced Gestures are Insincere

All guys feel this way. It's a woman's holiday!

Stephen, I understand your point of view. You believe that making these gestures of love because you feel forced to make them takes all the sincerity out of them.

You resent the expectations that Valentine's Day admittedly places on us all. ("No one is going to tell me when I should say 'I love you.'")

If Sondra felt that a Valentine's Day gesture from you was insincere for those reasons, do you think it would be such a big deal to her?

It's Not About Valentine's Day

News Flash, Stephen: This isn't about Valentine's Day. This is about you having the opportunity to make a simple gesture to your wife, something as small as a card or a box of chocolates you can present to her as a mere token representing how you feel about her. She certainly didn't say that it had to be a big production involving a five-star dinner and a bed full of rose petals.

No Need To Compromise Your Principles

You object to the commercialism of Valentine's Day? Hand write a love note on plain white paper. Instead of buying chocolates, surprise her with a dinner or dessert you've made yourself. There's certainly no need to compromise these intellectual principles you hold so dear. Marriage is about choices, sacrifices, and compromises.

Make a Sincere Gesture

Here's the choice that you have: Make a small, sincere gesture on Valentine's Day which shows your wife how much you love her and how much she means to you. In doing so, you will make your wife, about who's happiness you should care a great deal, exceedingly happy.

Or, you do nothing for Valentine's Day, and in doing so, you'll make your wife unhappy. Doesn't seem like a tough choice to me.

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