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Dear Stuck,
There have been so many times before that I have fielded this
question from friends of mine, and many times when the issue crossed
my mind. I have to tell you that there is no definitive answer (are
there ever any about love?) BUT I think that there are some important
things that you need to consider.
Now That I'm Older, I Notice Looks Less
I've noticed that as I have gotten older and as my years in the
world of dating started to accrue, the more I have been here, the
less I even notice what people look like.
Obviously it is important that you are attracted to a person but
so much of that attraction is based on other characteristics.
I know that when I was in the early stages of college life and
every time I turned around there was someone I was being set up
with, most of the time, the hotter the guy the less inclined I was
to go out with him again. Usually the less physically attractive
guys were the ones who scored higher with me- so to speak.
Is this issue of appearance all that is bothering you? IF the only
thing bothering you is that he isn't the Antonio Sabato Junior that
you thought you would marry, then you need to look a little further
into yourself.
He Sounds Like Prince Charming
Remind yourself that physical attraction is only part physical-
at least in my opinion. Just the same as a man with a models face
and figure can turn out to be a complete jerk, your boyfriend may
be lacking the physical features but he sounds like a prince charming.
Is This The Only Problem?
Is there anything else that you are not feeling good about? Are
you sure that it is just his physical appearance that you are not
attracted to? I firmly believe that true attraction is based mainly
in the personality of the person that you are dealing with. Is your
boyfriend lacking something that you just can put your finger on
but you are using his appearance to locate it?
It sounds to me like you are afraid to give up a guy that you know
is a good guy. You should also remember though that every good guy
isn't necessarily the right guy for you.
He's Just Not The ONE
Maybe he is a great guy, I'm not arguing with that, but maybe he
just isn't the "right one" for you.
Honesty Is Most Important
This is OK to realize and come to terms with but if this is in
fact the case, it is important that you are honest with him and
make sure that he knows that you have thought about this and given
it a lot of time to figure out. Maybe you just need more time to
figure this out too. There is nothing wrong with that either but
try not to drag it out too long.
If you feel like you already know what you need to do then it is
important that you do it sooner rather than later in order to salvage
a potential friendship between the two of you.
Maybe you are using his physical appearance and your lack of attractiveness
to it as a way to deal with other issues that you aren't 100% happy
about. Sometimes we dwell on these types of things in order to avoid
dealing with the real issues.
Love Him For Who He Is
My advice in a nutshell: make sure that you love this guy for who
and what he is. If you really find him so unattractive that it is
causing doubts about the relationship then I would recommend evaluating
the relationship itself.
Maybe there are other things there that are worrying you or not
pleasing you to the point where you are most happy.
Really Consider the Options
Whatever you do, don't make brash decisions but don't let too much
time go by without considering your options. I don't think this
will go away. In fact it is probably recipe for disaster if you
maintain the relationship based on a wish that things will improve
and you will be more attracted to him.
That's no way to live the rest of your life and no way to punish
him because in the long run you will resent yourself or you will
resent him. Either way the end result is the same and it is potentially
dangerous.
Good luck. Just remember to be honest with yourself first and with
him afterwards when you have figured things out.
– Foxy
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