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Dear Anon,
You come from a diverse sexual background. Your girlfriend does
not. She is afraid that you will find her as she is boring, so she
is willing to go outside of her comfort zone to make you happy?
Your question in a nutshell I think.
Consider things from her perspective for a minute. She is worried
that you find her boring. She knows the diversity and experimentation
that you have enjoyed prior to her, and in order for you NOT to
find her boring, she is willing to experiment with a threesome.
She Doesn't Really Want It To Happen
I honestly think that she is not really looking for a YES answer
from you. I believe she's looking for approval and reassurance that
SHE is enough for you.
She probably would go through with it, if you agreed to it. But
simply by agreeing, you would probably be compounding the belief
that she already fights with that she is NOT enough to satisfy you.
Sexuality, I believe, is somewhat of a learned trait. We are taught
from children whether to be open to it or shy from it. We learn
from our own experiences whether it feels good, degrading, exciting
or uncomfortable.
You Have Different Sexual Backgrounds
Every person has a different level of comfort where sex is concerned,
and a level of experimentation that they feel is safe. It sounds
that you and your girlfriend come from very different backgrounds.
You have opened her eyes to a world that she didn't understand,
but I'm going to guess that her
beliefs are still strongly within her.
You Could Damage The Trust You've Built
She may be enjoying all that you have taught her and shown her,
but she might be afraid of it also. If you push her before she's
truly comfortable with something, it could set you both back in
your relationship and damage the trust she has given you so far.
Decide If She Can Satisfy You Alone
You also should be honest with yourself and ask if your girlfriend,
as she is, without the threesome, IS enough for you.
If you know what your own limitations are, then you can help to
make her feel more secure with you. If you don't believe that she
is enough to satisfy you, then she will sense that and react to
it.
A threesome is not just sexual, it's emotional. You said that you
have shown her a world she didn't really know. In order for her
to be open to you in that way, she has placed her trust in you.
You should be very, very gentle with that trust. A woman who has
sexual inhibitions does not open up easily in that area. When she
does, if that trust is betrayed, it can be very difficult to go
backwards.
She'll Feel Awkward
You are in essence asking your girlfriend to interact with you
while you make love to another woman. She has no desire to join
the interplay with the woman herself, so she will probably feel
somewhat awkward and unsure.
If she already believes that she's not enough for you, watching
you have sex with another woman could very easily compound that
fear. If you climax, if you ENJOY the other woman - your girlfriend
could see any of this as proof that she does not excite you enough.
She'll Regret It
You seem to know from the way that you phrased your question that
she's only doing this for you. If that's the case, then she will
probably regret it later. You could very easily lose her over it.
Rather than look towards something like this as a way to bring
you two closer, find ways to let her know that SHE is enough for
you. Telling her that you are happy with just her is a great start.
Good luck.
– Jeannie
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