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Dear Love,
You are in a tough situation, and no one knows that better you
do. There are stories out there of woman who have made jail house
romances work, and there are tales of women who have wound up dead,
thanks to their jail house boyfriend/husband.
Writing Isn't A Way To Really Get To Know Someone
First, lets address the fact that while you do exchange a LOT of
letters with your Jailbird, it is much much easier to talk to someone
on paper than face to face. You can take time to think about what
you want to say. You can rewrite the letter several times. Face
to face, it's different. He may have
nothing to say, or be horrible inarticulate.
You Don't Know This Guy
You have not met him face to face. This is the the problem with
jail house romances and the Internet. People can talk all they like,
but when you actually meet is when your real relationship begins.
Don't fool yourself into thinking that you know this guy. You don't,
even with all your research into his background.
Women don't realize that with a prisoner, they have nothing but
time on their hand to devote to them. They have nothing but all
day to write a letter, or carve a chess piece or dig an escape tunnel.
When these men get out, they are different yet again. They are angry
at the people who won't give them a job, they are angry at the women
who want so much of their attention.
Think of Your Boys
Second, please, think about your boys. This is very, very important.
You are their mother and what you do will affect them deeply, as
you can see through Joey.
Do you want to take the chance that he will not have broke the
cycle of abuse? That your boys will go through what he has gone
through?
He Hasn't Changed
You say that he is changed and you believe him. But you also said
earlier that he was in jail for escape. Does that mark a changed
man? You also say that in the same line that he has trust issues,
but is loyal. That is contradictory.
He Can't Blame His Past For Bad Decisions
Childhood factors do have a lot to do with your adult life and
attitudes, but ultimately, there is one person and one person alone
who is responsible for a person's actions and that is that person.
He made a bad decision, yes, but he was the one who made it. We
can point fingers and blame other, but they did not make us do this.
He is responsible for what he did, and he could conceivably change,
or he could continue making those same bad decisions.
There's No Guarantee
There is no way to assure that any relationship will work. This
is something that is just a fact of life. We like to think that
we can, and we put effort into the endeavor, but there is no guarantee.
In this relationship, you will have more negative points against
you than most women do when undertaking a relationship. There are
12 more years of waiting for him, as well. Can you wait that long?
Will he?
Yes, you can make a jail house romance work. Will it work for you?
I couldn't tell you. There are many many factors to consider, and
there are many many stories you should hear, both good and bad.
Don't Be Afraid to Say No
Don't make any decisions until you have met him face to face. Take
your time, take it easy, and don't promise anything or accept any
proposals until you are at the 99.9% sure mark. And don't be afraid
to back off completely and choose not to continue this.
Ultimately, it's your choice.
– Jennae
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