Dear Lost My Virginity,

The issue here goes beyond mere sex. This is literally a matter of life and death. You're involved, and you need to act with all deliberate speed.

You Are Too Young For Sex

I agree. She needs to talk to an adult about sex.

First off, you're too damn young to be having sex. Forgive me for the sweeping generalization, but kids your age are developmentally incapable--mentally speaking--of integrating sexuality into their lives in a healthy fashion.

It sounds stodgy and condescending, but trust me, it is very true. I know this, because not too many years ago I was in that age group where you feel sooo ready to have sex, but trust me when I say that there are a lot of things that go along with it that you're just not equipped to consider. Please believe me on this.

What does this have to do with your situation, though? Well, given what I said above, young teens your age, unable to fully process sexuality, often misinterpret their feelings, especially when it relates to self-esteem.

You Think Sex Makes You Feel Important

Some people who become sexually active at an early age use sex as a means of validation. If someone will sleep with them, they feel important, but when they aren't getting any, they feel that no one cares about them, and they get depressed.

I truly believe that this process of early sexualization stands in the way of normal development of the adolescent psyche, when you are just beginning to develop a sense of self as you relate to the outside world.

Is this what's happening with your ex-boyfriend? I think so, in part at least. There is probably a part of him that equates sex with love and fulfillment, even if those feelings don't actually exist.

There's More To His Depression

I agree. He needs psychiatric help.

But there's probably something more, something beyond the two of you. Perhaps he is depressed for another reason. It could be his relationship with his parents or his classmates, bad grades, or a hard time he is having coping with one of life's many stresses.

It is likely that he's piling all his angst on you, thus taking the burden off of himself, and having you carry it instead. He may honestly believe that sleeping with you is the answer for all of his problems, but believe me, it would only add to his problems and make things worse if you did sleep with him.

My Recommendations

1. DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM.
2. SUICIDE THREATS AND ATTEMPTS ARE A SERIOUS MATTER. GET HIM SOME HELP IMMEDIATELY BY CALLING A SUICIDE HOTLINE. Numbers are in your phone book. They can provide you with resources in your area to turn to to ensure that he doesn't harm himself.
3. Provide him with non-sexual support. Get him talking about why he is so upset. I'll bet you that there's a lot more to the situation than he's letting on. Talking about these things might help him deal with his feelings.
4. DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM.

– Shaggy